Gratitude on the go! 12-30-12

Today I am grateful for:
-Being able to sleep in
-Litza's theory on online dating.
-Padre coming over to say goodbye.
-Going on a date today. I actually thought it went well. Lunch and then bowling. I had a good time so we'll see.
-Daring Greatly
-Laughter
-Seeing Emily. We did our typical late night happy hour at Chino.
-This quote:
"We work on ourselves in order to help others, but also we help others in order to work on ourselves."
-Watching a movie, The Rescuers Down Under, with Jaime. It's the best. I love this movie.
-Hot showers.
-The basics
-As always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 12-29-12

Today I am grateful for:
-Having big audiences for my SMM shows.
-This lovely couple who were so proud of their three engineering sons. They just could not stop boasting about them. It was pretty adorable.
-Padre coming to the museum to have lunch with me.
-Taking not one, but TWO quickie naps. I mean I think they totaled about 45 of sleep combined, but I'm glad I was able to do it.
-Laughter
-Being present. I'm present to the fact that I'm a bit (a lot) nervous of padre going away on his big trip. I have no reason to be. He's a big boy and he said he's going to be fine. (Although I can sense his hesitation about this trip, too.) I can't help but worry though. He's going away to the middle of NOWHERE for 3 weeks. I think he's aware of my trepidation and has definitely reassured me a few times that everything is going to be okay. I thought I was playing it pretty cool. I guess not? The jury is still not out on that. Regardless, as a result I am finding myself getting easily agitated with people and things. It's entirely possible my agitation could be non-related, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it is. One thing that bothered me tonight was reading about other people's adventures in online dating. I can't do that to myself anymore. Reading how some people get over like 300 messages in a week makes me want to preform open heart surgery on myself. They 100% deserve that attention and admiration from potential suitors. That is not what makes me upset. What makes me upset is that it just confirms the fact that my online dating life continues to be nothing like anyone else I know. I think I long to have someone say, "That's been my experience, too. You're not alone." Ugh. This whole last paragraph makes me feel like a completely selfish asshole. I got it off my chest and now it's time to let it go.
-Late night car rides with padre.
-Getting a card from Litza today. She donated money to Heifer International on my behave in lieu of Christmas presents this year. I love this idea. Because of her donation I am sponsoring a girl's education and giving a flock of chicks to a family. Litza's generosity ceases to amaze me. I'm so glad her card came in the mail today. It was just what I needed at the end of this long day.
-Hot showers
-comfy sheets
-melatonin
-peaceful (albeit sparing) moments of solitude and quiet.
-The basics
-Breathing
-As always, my friends.

Gratitude on the go! 12-28-12

Today I am grateful for:
-Being able to sleep in a bit.
-lunch with Padre
-laughter
-Hannah and Anna. They came to see my show tonight. It's been a year since we've all been together. And even though we all live in different places now we can still pick up right were we left off. It was wonderful to catch up with them. We laughed until our sides ached reminiscing about our past excursions. I've known them both since freshman year in high school. About 12 years. Ha holy shit that's a long time. We've been through a lot together. A lot of fantastic stories. So great. Their visit really rejuvenated me.
-Rediscovering our secret fb page: One Hot Mess. One word to describe it? #priceless.
-Laughter
-Laugher
-Laughter
-The basics
-Laughter
-As always, my friends.

Gratitude on the go! 12-27-12

Today I am grateful for:
-A few moments of silence alone at work.
-The beautiful fluffy snow outside. In the particular light tonight it kind of looks like glitter. The best kind of glitter because it doesn't stick on you for long.
-Seeing Meg! She's back in town just for Christmas. It was so good to see her albeit briefly.
-Going to Karaoke at the 1029 bar. That's not usually my scene but I was with a small group of people so it was pretty chill. Jen Scott and her sister were there. Always a treat to see them.
-Laughter
-Being silly.
-Being present. I struggle still to find the right things to say in the moment. I sometimes wish I could champion better for people when they might be in need. I can sometimes think of what to say in the moment, but it doesn't usually sound pleasant. I want to champion with kindness not with crass.
-The basics
-Hot showers
-My cough getting much better
-As always, my friends.

Gratitude on the go! 12-26-12

Today I am grateful for:
-A really fun day of shows at the museum.
-My new book, Quiet.
-All the leftovers that I have. I think I'll have enough food to last me at least until the weekend if not more!
-Escape the room games. I've always been a fan. I'm not always the best at them, but they help me work on my patience and focus. Andy just bought me a new one for my Ipad. It's challenging, but also so cool.
-Downton Abby. It was the only thing I could watch when I was sick because it was so soothing. Those gentile british accents did me in. Now I find myself not being able to stop watching it. Sigh. Makes me miss London.
-My semester abroad in London.
-All the professors in London that really mentored me and changed me for the better.
-A fun set at the workshop tonight.
-Laughter, even though right now it sounds like I'm about to hack up a lung every time I laugh. Worth it.
-The basics
-As always, my friends.

Gratitude on the go! 12-25-12

Today I am grateful for:
-My mom coming over for brunch. She made my favorite foods and got me some really nice gifts. I think the nicest thing of all though was that we got along the whole time. Not one fight. It wasn't awkward either. She stayed for about 3 hours too. Way longer than I anticipated. I almost wanted to spend the whole day with her. If I didn't have plans with my dad I just might have. It was a true Christmas miracle. I find myself tearing up just thinking about it. I loved it. I really miss my mom. It was so great to see her again and feel happy.
-Padre's and I Christmas tradition of seeing movies at the theater. It's always been our thing to go to the movies. We've barely been able to go to any at all this year. I'm really glad we were able to today.
-Quentin Tarantino. His new film came out today, Django Unchained. It was masterful. He is masterful. I honestly believe he is my favorite director. He has such a vision that truly enraptures an audience. Not to mention his amazing ear for a good soundtrack. His use of diegetic and non-diegetic sound is also incredible. That man knows how to put a movie together. It was a beautiful experience.
-my family. Near and far. I know there are a lot of people out there that are separated from their families under many different circumstances. My heart truly goes out to them. Whatever the case may be, I hope that they are surrounded by love.
-My amazing jobs
-NUTS
-Improv
-Light
-Laughter
-Love
-As always, my friends.

Gratitude on the go! 12-24-12

Today I am grateful for:
-Having a day off. I was able to lie in bed and fully recover from the plague. Woof it was bad. I still have a cough but I'm so glad the other stuff is gone.
-My roommate. He's a pretty cool dude. He got me a really nice scarf for Christmas. I'm impressed. He's got my number.
-Padre coming over to my place and bringing all of our favorite foods from around town to have for dinner. The food was great! I couldn't finish we had so much. (Not to mention I haven't eaten properly in like 3 days because of the plague) It was a bit awkward as far as dinner conversations go, and by conversation I mean lack there of, but isn't that what Christmas is all about anyway?
-A Christmas Story. That movie is timeless. I can recite it pretty much word for word I think.
-Jen Scott. (I cheated and opened Jen's Christmas presents tonight.) She got me this really cool journal with colored pencils, an eraser, and sharpener. I told her I was going to be taking this online course about creativity coming up in the new year and the only thing I was going to need was a journal and some colored pencils. Everything she got me is exactly what I need for this project. She honestly went above and beyond. I am so thankful for her in my life. I feel like I learn something from her every time I see her. Her generosity and kindness is unmatched. I aspire to have the connection and compassion that she always seems to hold for others.
-The tradition padre started with me when I was young that we continue to do to this day. Every Christmas eve we bake cookies and deliver them to fire fighters that have to work on Christmas eve night. It's really fun. They always seem grateful and sometimes a little awkward, but again, isn't that what Christmas is all about anyway?
-The basics
-Light
-Love
-Laughter
-As always, my friends.

Gratitude on the go! 12-23-12

Today I am grateful for:
-Padre coming over with popsicles, juice, and soup to take care of me while I'm sick. I'm such a baby when I get sick.
-Netflix
-Getting a two day break starting tomorrow
-Laughter
-My fever breaking. Not once, but twice! Could be three times a charm soon!
-Caring people in my life.
-Improv
-Laughter
-The basics
-As always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 12-22-12

Today I am grateful for:
-this quote:
"The road to enlightenment is paved with authenticity, not imitation."
-amazing co-workers who cover my shows because I'm sick.
-supportive people in my life who deal with me when I'm a major asshole.
-the vegetarian chili from Lunds that I had for dinner.
-Entertainment Weekly
-The basics
-Hot showers
-As always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 12-21-12

Today I am grateful for:
-The world not ending. :)
-Getting back on my feet. This morning felt like the world was ending. I definitely hit the floor full force. Even though it hurt a SHIT TON to hit the ground, I know there is no where else to go but up from there. I'm working my way up to standing.
-Again, the splendiforous support of Amy. She is like a sister I never had. I don't know who coined the phrase, "Family by choice" but she is for sure my family by choice.
-Remembering that I have support if I need it.
-Getting stupid silly in improv.
-A long, hard day completed.
-Laughter
-The basics
-As always, my friends.

Gratitude on the go! 12-20-12

Today I am grateful for:
-this quote:
"Happiness is a way station between too little and too much."
-a lovely lunch with Jen Scott. She's just the best. I am so inspired by her all the time.
-this woman talking about her happy pigs. She said, "Yeah they're pretty happy. They only have one bad day." I found that to be really funny.
-gas costing less than $40. A Christmas miracle!
-the store I Like You.
-the sunny blue sky today. It's been awhile since I've seen that.
-a fun improv set.
-being present. I'm present to the fact that I'm in struggle. Woof. Today was really hard. I haven't had a day like this in awhile. It was one of those days that just started off right away on the wrong foot and I just wanted to stay curled up in my bed until the day was over. There was just a lot of challenging stuff. Hard emails, being shamed, more hard emails...ugh. Granted there were several moments of joy (i.e- lunch with Jen, delivering Christmas presents, fun show and improv) but I definitely felt myself very consciously making an effort to not shut away completely. But by the end of the day I was spent and extremely overwhelmed.   Feeling things fully and leaning into discomfort really sucks in these moments. I'm relying on my bag of coping tools (which I'm incredibly grateful for) and reflecting on the good things that did happen today. Resilience is the word of the day!
-Amy calling me back and listening to my shit. As she would say, "this is the good shit!" I'm so thankful for her continual encouragement and support.
-the basics
-breathing
-as always, my friends.

Gratitude on the go! 12-19-12

Today I am grateful for:
-Podcast
-Great conversation
-Laughter
-Belly laughter
-For real getting all my christmas shopping done!
-Improv and all that it has done for me.
-Having the apartment to myself.
-Breathing
-The basics
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 12-18-12

Today I am grateful for:

-My therapist. As always, she knows exactly what to say. I was finally able to talk to her about how grateful I am for all that she's done for me. A fitting time considering that this will be my last session with her until the new year. I am nervous about it I must say. I'm nervous to only be going biweekly. I was struggling to find the words on exactly what to say to her about this fear. I was trying to tell her that I struggle to reach out and ask for help. That's something that she knows. The thing I am just realizing (right now as I'm writing this out) is that what I'm really afraid of is being a burden. I don't want her to have to rearrange her schedule because I'm having an off day. Ha, I can hear her counter argument in my head now. "You're not a burden, your issues are important, etc." It's hard still to believe that's true, but I trust her so it must be. And that's why she's great. She has given me so many tools to be able to support myself on my own. And that is what I told her today. I told her how I admire her professionalism and advice. She took the complement with ease and grace and she yes anded me back! She said that I have been the one doing the hard work and she's just been walking along side. Yes, I'm fully aware that I've been doing most of the heavy lifting, but she's one hell of a supportive spotter. I could keep going with more metaphors, but I'll stop for tonight. 

-This blog. It really does allow me to sift through my thoughts and reflect on all the incredible things, people, and opportunities that I have in my life.

-Getting all my Christmas shopping done.

-Being able to let go. 

-This blog entry

-Laughter

-Melatonin 

-The basics

-As always, my friends.

Gratitude on the go! 12-17-12

Today I am grateful for:
-this quote:
"For a day, just one day, talk about that which disturbs no one and bring some peace into your beautiful eyes."
-Getting done with work early and going to see The Hobbit with some co-workers. It was great. I was in nerdy fantasy heaven.
-Megan having her baby! It's a boy!

7 pounds 11 ounces.
Everyone is doing well.
I cannot wait to meet him!

-The big fluffy snowflakes falling outside. So beautiful.

-My candles.
-Laughter
-The basics
-As always, my friends. 

Gratitude on the go! 12-16-12

Today I am grateful for:
-this quote:
"Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible."
-8 hours of sleep.
-Seeing Ila at the SMM today. I haven't seen her in a long time. She's just as great as always. I'd love to babysit for her again soon.
-A fun day at the museum
-Pho
-A greater sense of calm today.
-The Minneapolis skyline. Especially at dusk. It never ceases to amaze me.
-A really fun improv set. There was just three of us tonight, but we played off each other really well!
-A fun audience
-Laughter
-The basics
-As always, my friends.

Gratitude on the go! 12-15-12

Today I am grateful for:
-my bed
-this journal
-being present. I'm in struggle today. I think its a combination of yesterdays event and lack of sleep and just general exhaustion. I definitely had a trigger happen tonight. I've been doing so well for so long it kind of took me aback. It was something so trivial. I didn't know I was suppose to be getting my picture taken tonight. Miscommunication. It happens. No big deal. I tried to address that I wasn't really up for it with the others, but I was brushed over. I wasn't heard. (Wow. That is a realization I'm just making in this second. I wasn't being heard.) I had to remove myself from the room and go try to breathe it out in the bathroom. I didn't know how else to handle myself. I couldn't get my head around my thoughts. I was definitely in shame. My rational brain was gone. I tried to remember my four steps, which semi-worked, but I didn't reach out to anyone. I so badly want to be able to do that someday. I want to feel worthy of connection in times of need. I want to feel worthy of connection period. Today felt like a slow motion fall that concluded with me face down in the dirt. That's okay though. I'm okay. It's going to be okay. I'm just gonna have to take a breath, dust of off the dirt, and pick myself up for tomorrow.
-a hot shower
-the basics
-breathing
-as always, my friends.

Gratitude on the go! 12-14-12

Today I am grateful for:
-The safety of my loved ones. I find myself being a bit numb about the shooting in CT today. Here is one of those times that I wish I had the ability to articulate how I'm feeling into words. In simple terms I am sad, heartbroken, and upset there is nothing I can do to help. I cannot even imagine what it must be like for the people involved. Of course everyone has an opinion about todays events. I see people arguing about what issue we should be focusing on. "We should be focusing on gun control, mental illness, etc..." Yes to all of the above so let's stop fighting about it. Please. This is the time we should be supporting and listening to and caring for one another. My thoughts are with the families that are suffering with this tragedy.
-This quote:
"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping." To this day, especially in times of "disaster," I remember my mother's words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world." -Mr. Rogers
-These links posted by Dr. Brown on how to talk to children about violence:
University of Minnesota on Talking to Kids About Violence Against Kids
National Association of School Psychologists on Talking to Children About Violence
Explaining the news to our kids from Common Sense Media.
-Laughter
-Love
-The basics
-As always, my friends.

Gratitude on the go! 12-13-12

Today I am grateful for:
-my amazing coworkers.
-Andy coming up to visit me in the exhibit.
-getting a call about group therapy. I thought I wouldn't be able to participate because I know the sister of one of the  counselors leading the group. However she called me today after checking in with her boss and told me that it would be okay to still be in the group if I wanted to. She said she didn't feel uncomfortable about it. I took a minute to think about it, because I wasn't sure if I was comfortable with it honestly. I then remembered what I wrote last night about owning my whole story. I believe this group therapy will help me be able to do that. I don't want to prolong it any further than I need to. So I decided to dare grately and say yes. I start on January 7th.
-having a good talk with Amanda at mixed blood.
-a late lunch with padre.
-the sound of crunching ice under my boots.
-these quotes:
"Too many people miss the silver lining because they're expecting gold."
"Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy."
-a terrific audience at tonight's show.
-Ruth and Lydia coming to see the show.
-Catching up with Ruth after the show.
-laughter
-the basics
-as always my friends.

Gratitude on the go! 12-12-12

Today I am grateful for:

-The date today!

12:12 on 12-12-12. #nerd.

-Podcasts

-these quotes:

"Be gentle first with yourself if you wish to be gentle with others."

"Wherever you go, go with all your heart." 

-The amazing audience at the show tonight. They were all so engaged and excited and their energy was with us the whole time. It was very rewarding.

-A super fun improv set. Fun characters. Lots of games.

-Getting a nice fb message from Valerie. I haven't heard from her in forever. She's going to be getting married soon and is loving the east coast. I'm genuinely happy for her.

-Being present. I'm present today that I have to own my whole story. It's hard for me to accept the things that have happened to me in my past make me who I am but do not define who I am. That's hard for me to come to terms with. Because I don't want to be defined by my past. As shallow as this is, I don't want others to define me by my past either. I know that the people who really matter in my life don't and won't care about that. They will love me and all my imperfections no matter what. I hope to be able to do that for myself someday too. I so badly want to believe that I am worthy of love and belonging. Especially romantically. I so want to believe that I am good enough. Right here. Right now. As I am today. A part of me somewhere knows that I am, but I want to be wholehearted not parthearted. The sooner I accept my whole story, the sooner I will believe that all of me is worthy of love and belonging.

-Refreshing my memory of the definition of vulnerability: Risk, uncertainty, and emotional exposure. Amen. Thank you for this definition Dr. Brown.

-The practice of meditation.

-Getting an email from Amy

-The smell of my Christmas tree when I walk into my apartment.

-The basics

-Laughter

-As always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 12-11-12

Today I am grateful for:
-Therapy. It was a harder day. I was really leaning into discomfort. All towards the bigger picture.
-The woman who took my order at the Tea Garden. She made great eye contact and chatted with me about her morning. Then she asked me how my morning was going. It was really great.
-A last minute voice over.
-NUTS
-Time to be able to clean up my apartment and do laundry.
-The really nice woman at the flower store who helped me get my Christmas tree. She was just so friendly and kind. She definitely put a smile on my face.
-My Christmas tree!

He's a little guy but he's got a lot of spirit. :) 

-"Family Dinner" with Amanda and Ruth. It was so wonderful. I would really like to make that a tradition. I might throw it by them to see how they feel about it. Amanda made a really tasty meal.

-Seeing the movie Silver Linings Playbook. So good. 

-Laughter

-The basics

-As always, my friends. 

Gratitude on the go! 12-10-12

Today I am grateful for:
-This quote:
"The invariable mark of wisdom is to see the miraculous in the common."
-Having the day off. I lost my voice completely so It was really nice to rest it.
-Padre bringing me soup and cough drops. He's pretty steller.
-Having the apartment all to myself.
-The great audience at the industry show tonight. We didn't really want to perform today because it's a Monday and I know personally because I haven't been feeling too great. But the crowd were all so kind and gracious. There were a group of older gentlemen that were so adorable. A few guys in the group were from Australia and they just raved about the show to us. We chatted for awhile and they were so lovely. In the receiving line everyone was very complementary. This one guy, albeit drunk, was very sweet to me. He gave me a hug, left to go to the bathroom I think, and then came back to hug me again. He lingered after his hug and held my arm the whole time we spoke. His name was Edger and he was very cute. He said he'd like to see me again. Well Edger come on back anytime. ;-)
-The basics
-Laughter
-Improv
-As always, my friends.

Gratitude on the go! 12-9-12

Today I am grateful for:
-The first real snow fall. I was starting to panic. I mean, I was loving the warm weather, but December in MN calls for snow. It was just getting a bit too unnatural. Good thing we got FIFTEEN inches today.
-The youth team being cancelled. I love my kids, I love teaching, but I was overbooked today. So one less thing to worry about was really nice. Not to mention the weather was so bad I didn't want any of the kids driving in it for their own safety.
-My car. Magnus really pulls his weight in this weather. Good job buddy.
-Pho
-Laughter
-Bobby surprising me today with a new bold choice on stage. I was laughing so hard. I needed that tonight.
-This particular tree. I was really cold outside today and was looking down at the ground. Someone commented that it was really pretty out. I decided to look up and the first thing that caught my eye was this tree. There was a lot of fluffy snow that was resting on the branches and the Christmas lights were shinning through the snow.
-Being present. I'm yet again present to the fact that I need to work on my tone. The words that I say and the tone that I use are varying drastically these days. Not 100% sure what that's about.
-The basics
-Music
-This quote:
"Your essence is gold hidden in dust. To reveal its splendor you need to burn in the fire of love."
-As always, my friends.

Gratitude on the go! 12-8-12

Today I am grateful for:
-The nice people working at Caribou.
-A nice lunch with padre
-Someone making squash soup at the workshop for everyone.
-A hilarious volunteer
-An hour alone in my apartment to just sit with no one else around.
-This quote:
"Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."
-The basics
-Laughter
-Breathing
-Bathing
-As always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 12-7-12

Today I am grateful for:
-podcasts of all kinds. Funny, poignant, educational, etc. Doesn't matter. I love them.
-having a moment to sit.
-laughter
-dan bringing left over treats from Caribou.
-a long day getting done
-being present. I'm present about how it has become easier to identify when I'm in shame. What my physical symptoms are and what I need to do to help me get out of it. I had a couple of minor triggers come up today but I could identify how I was feeling and remove myself from the situation.
-improv.
-a fun improv set.
-the basics
-breathing
-water
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 12-6-12

Today I am grateful for:
-NUTS. They are always so supportive and fun over there. Its also nice to see who all is auditioning at NUTS on any given day. I'm very lucky to have them as my agency.
-Being able to catch up on some tv
-clearing out the living room closet. It's gotten so much easier to purge things. I love that.
-This video and all of it's accuracy: 

CollegeHumor's Favorite Funny Videos

-Laughter
-A fun show
-Some alone time in the apartment
-The basics
-As always, my friends.

Gratitude on the go! 12-5-12

Today I am grateful for:
-Sleeping in
-Getting to see Jen and Megan. Jen made us lunch at her new apartment and it was awesome! Her apartment and lunch! I love those ladies. They really do bring such joy to my life.
-Having some time to make a graphic for the Minneapples. Pretty sure this is the final cut:

I'm still not a huge fan of the font, but I love the pic itself

-Having a great crowd at the workshop

-Having a fun set. Lots of group scenes and high energy.
-This quote:
"No one looks stupid when they're having fun."-Amy Poehler 
-Having another good interaction with my mom. She came to the show again and brought almost the entire audience. It was nice though. Very pleasant. 

-Getting tweeted at! That lady I met yesterday at BLB tweeted at me:

Pretty sweet tweet. 

-Being present. Today I am present to the fact that it's still really hard for me to talk about boys. I was chatting with a friend online and about her new guy in her life. That part was great. She's really happy and he seems nice and that's all that matters to me. However somehow we got switched over to talking about how my dating life's going and that's when I started having trouble. We talked about online dating and how my experience has been different than all my other friends. I was being honest and saying how yes, I'm aware that dating is hard in general for everyone, but it's also really hard that I rarely get messages and dates while all my friends get a swarm of messages weekly if not daily. I expressed how I felt frustrated with that knowledge and I don't understand if it is the universe's way of protecting me or saying I suck. I found myself crying while I typed. Because in my mind I kept thinking to myself that I'm not getting messages because I am unworthy of love and belonging. I was very present to try to actively talk myself down from that. I wish I would have been able to ask for help or advice in some way but I didn't know how to or what exactly to say. Well I guess I wanted to say, "So, do You think I suck?" Or, "Could you look at my profile and tell me what you think?" Or, "Can you tell me honestly if you think I'm going to be okay?" Hopefully one day in the future I'll be able to achieve asking for help in this area. Or in general. Baby steps. In the meantime, I'm just grateful to have had this conversation. And I do believe that talking about boys at all with someone was helpful for me because it brought to light that it's still a difficult subject to breech.
-The basics
-Breathing
-Hanging out with Amanda and watching Walking Dead and American Horror Story. So good!
-Laughter
-Laughter

-As always, my friends.

Gratitude on the go! 12-4-12

Today I am grateful for:
-this quote:
"Love and compassion open our own inner life, reducing stress, distrust, and loneliness."
-My therapist.
-booking a plane ticket to Cali! January 30th to February 5th. I am stoked!
-Lunch with Roomie.
-A great info session at NUTS. It was very informative and all my questions were answered and now I have a better understanding of how the business runs.
-My agencies.
-John Haynes. He gave me my first teaching job at the workshop and has been very supportive of my career ever since. I'm forever grateful for that.
-A woman named Kate telling me how much she enjoyed the Christmas show. I was sitting alone at the BLB waiting to go to into the theater and she just came up to my table, sat down, and told me about seeing Fifty Shades of White on Saturday. She said it was her first time seeing improv and that she had a wonderful time and wanted to come back. We chatted about school and work and improv for a bit and then she thanked me for being so approachable and left. It was nice to hear how much fun she had.
-Being Present. I am present to the fact that I still care a lot about what other people think. Granted it's not as bad as it used to be, but I'm aware it's very much still something I think about. I'm working on it.
-The basics
-Laughter
-Daring Greatly
-As always, my friends.

Gratitude on the go! 12-3-12

Today I am grateful for:
-these quotes:
"When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves."
"Awareness is the power that is concealed within the present moment."
-A fun audition.
-Being an actor
-Seeing Jen Scott
-Seeing Megan
-Seeing Kasono
-The gorgeous harvest moon. It kind of looked like a giant sweet potato in the sky!
-A full day being over
-Late night car ride with padre. I was able to vent a bit, which I didn't even know I needed to do.
-being able to take a hot shower.
-lying down.
-As always, my friends

Gratitude On The Go! 12-2-12

Today I am grateful for:

-Having some wonderful friends

-Having some amazing jobs

-Going to some really great parties. 

-Finishing a long day.

-HUGE Theater. It was the second annual improviser of the year awards tonight. It was really wonderful. I love that community so much. I am so grateful for all the opportunities that I've been given there to perform. 

-Acquiring some new boots. 

-Getting good hugs

-Laughter

-The basics

-As always, my friends. 

Gratitude on the go! 12-1-12

Today I am grateful for:
-These quotes:
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."
"Music can name the unnameable and communicate the unknowable."
-A long day completed.
-A fun improv set.
-A quick pleasant exchange with my mom. She came to see the show tonight. She didn't bring me anything (+), she didn't pressure me about "hanging out" (+), and she didn't linger at the receiving line to talk to me (+). Basically it didn't feel like a big deal, which is a nice different change. I would be comfortable to interact with her more that way.
-Being present. I'm still very present to the fact that when I'm feeling overwhelmed I tend to shut down. I don't want to do it. I really want to work actively to not do it. I think a big step will be to put away my phone. I feel like I can check out and just play games, or look at facebook, or whatever I can to escape the moment without actually going anywhere. I think I'll bring this up with Marit to get some advice from her about what to do.
-The basics
-Laughter
-Love
-As always, my friends.

Gratitude on the go! 11-30-12

Today I am grateful for:
-Today's TGIF: I am Thankful for podcasts and the vastly different subject matter that they cover. (I just found out TED talks are getting a weekly radio show on npr! #WIN!) I am Grateful for this Christmas show I'm in right now at the workshop. It's so much fun and so super silly. I just am brimming from ear to ear thinking about it. And I am Inspired by Amy. I don't know how I got so lucky to have such a wonderful friend like her in my life. I am in awe of all the amazing things that she does all the time. 
-This quote:
"Of all the means which wisdom acquires to ensure happiness throughout the whole of life, by far the most important is friendship."
-Being present. I was in the middle of a scene, specifically I was singing my face off during Old Country Buffet, and I just had this moment of...well...I guess a moment of bliss for lack of a better word. I found myself just taking everything around me. The audience smiling and laughing, my co-workers really rockin out and being silly, and I just couldn't help but brim from ear to ear. I thought to myself, "Wow. I am so happy right now." Granted it was a terrible actor moment considering I was so not present in that scene on stage, but I was very present to how I, Taj, was feeling. I'll try to make sure that doesn't happen too often on stage, but I definitely want to acknowledge that blissful moment.

-The basics

-Laughter

-Love

-As always, my friends. 

Gratitude on the go! 11-29-12

Today I am grateful for:
-TED Talks. I freakin LOVE TED talks. I watched a video tonight that made me so happy. A great presentation with a fantastic message. At the end of this video the presenter, Shawn Achor, lists five things that will create a happier lifestyle. 1. 3 Gratitudes. 2. Journaling. 3. Exercise. 4 Meditation. 5. Random Acts of Kindness. I am happy to report that I am rockin 1, 2, and 5 on that list. 3 and 4 are still a work in progress. Those are the two things that will better my self compassion.

-these quotes:
"The measure of your life will not be in what you accumulate, but in what you give away."
"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss it you will land among the stars"
"You are already good, whole, and complete."
-My VO session. Aaron, my boss(?), kind of off handily said today about how much of an anomaly these projects are. I was a bit confused so I asked him what he meant by that. He elaborated by saying that in the Twin Cities it is so rare to be doing this kind of VO work. He's absolutely right. I am so incredibly grateful, thankful, and lucky that I get to work on these projects with them. They are so much fun to do and they make me beyond happy.
-This usually goes under the basics, but I really want to emphasis how grateful I am for the health of my friends and family. A co-worker of mine got into a car accident tonight. She hit a person with her car. Thankfully both her and the person she hit are fine. I know usually in these situations that disaster scenarios can start to really take over. I had to keep reminding myself that everything was okay. Everyone was alright and that's what's important. It's not important to think about the what ifs. So that's why I'm especially grateful tonight for the well being of all my friends and family.
-Laughter
-A fun improv set.
-Some alone time in my apartment.
-The basics
-As always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 11-28-12

Today I am grateful for:
-Being able to sleep in.
-Seeing so many wonderful funny ladies at an audition.
-My VO session
-Free dinner at the workshop
-A really fun set with john and jenni.
-Some alone time in the apartment
-Honey
-The basics
-Laughter
-As always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 11-27-12

Today I am grateful for:
-my therapist. I was finally able to really talk about how I want to strengthen my compassion and  boundaries for myself and others. I think I'm on the right path. She also gave me a good exercise for practicing being still.
-these quotes:
"One of the secrets of a happy life is continuous small treats."
"The artist's life cannot be otherwise than full of conflicts, for two forces are at war within him- on the one hand, the common longing for happiness, satisfaction and security in life, and on the other a ruthless passion for creation which may go so far as to override ever personal desire. There are hardly any exceptions to the rule that a person must pay dearly for the divine gift of creative fire." 
"You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time."
-Cards Against Humanity. Proof:

-Laughter

-Uncontrollable laughter 

-The basics

-As always, my friends 

Gratitude on the go! 11-26-12

Today I am grateful for:
-my job at the SMM
-being present. Working at the SMM today, a day when the museum is closed, I was able to wander the museum without being bombarded by kids or accosted by questioning adults. It was very peaceful. I found my way over to this pen art machine. They've had it since I was a kid. I have some incredibly fond memories of my mom and I going to the old SMM when I was little and seeing an omni movie and also making art with the pen art machine. I must have been very, very little when we used to do that. I am so grateful that SMM has given me so much. A wonderful job, the ability to learn new things every day, and also some nice memories of my mom. SMM, you win.
-My roommate buying some stacking shoe racks from Target for the apartment.
-Hanging out with some friends. Ladies night! Mac and Cheese bar with all the fixings while crafting and watching ghost busters.
-Late night drive with my dad.
-Talking to Zarah on the phone for a bit.
-A hot shower.
-Laughter
-Love
-The basics
-As always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 11-25-12

Today I am grateful for:
-Brunch with my dad
-My big comfy chair
-Lunch with Amanda. I was able to process a bit with her about yesterday which was nice.
-Laughter
-Hanging out with Hannah and Josh.
-Not-dogs. I only have them every once and a blue moon but they're always a treat! And Hannah says they taste just like the real thing.
-Jen and I having a really fun set. Today's genre was Bad Science Fiction! Hilarity ensued.
-Laughter
-Late night happy hour with Emily. Our last Chino date for awhile. I'm so excited for her move out to Cali, but I am going to miss her.
-Alone time.
-The basics
-As always, my friends.

Gratitude on the go! 11-24-12

Today I am grateful for:
-The really nice employees at Caribou Coffee. They always take time to ask how my day is going.
-Knowing the trivia question at Caribou.
-Working at the SMM
-Having great audiences at the SMM
-Jen coming to see my show. I love hearing her laugh. It fills me with such joy.
-Laughter
-Being present. I've been present about a few things today. All things that are under the subject of compassion:

1. I've been thinking a lot about how I can become a more compassionate person. In her podcast, and her books for that matter, Brene Brown talks about the most compassionate people have clearly outlined boundaries. I struggle with this. I don't know how exactly to set up proper boundaries. I know I let people walk over me because I am willing to bend over backwards to make sure the other person is feeling okay. This has been a long standing problem for me I know. "Make sure everyone else is okay and happy even if it means sacrificing my own happiness." This is not a good mantra to live by. I've been doing it for years. I just did it this evening at work. Someone else was unhappy with an improv game they were suppose to play. I really didn't want to do it either, but I said I would. And I'll be honest, I didn't feel good about saying yes to it. As a result, I didn't have a good scene either. (Although even though I didn't feel great about it, I did dare greatly with my choices.) I don't want to resent them for that. I chose to step in and take one for the team. I'm literally doing it right now! I'm talking to a friend on gchat, and even though I know it would be so. helpful. for me to share how I'm feeling and what I'm trying to process, I just cannot bring myself to say, "Hey, I know you said you were doing fantastic right now, but I'm in a bit of a tough spot. Do you mind processing with me?" I just cannot bring myself to ask. Ugh! It's so frustrating! Breathe. It's okay. One day. I'm still learning to live in a moment of discomfort than stew in resentment. I think I'm going to try to work towards Brene's mantra instead of mine: "I'll do everything to help, but I'm not going to enable. I love you, but I won't participate in your self destruction. I'll own my part in our struggles, and I'll expect the same from you. Boundaries, respect, and consideration are not negotiable. Empathy works both ways. Love is something we practice, not something we profess."

2. I'm also present to the fact that if other people are not feeling good, I have a tendency to be sucked into feeling down as well. (I think this goes under the same category as the boundaries/compassion.)

3. I really want need to work on self compassion. I think a couple of big steps will be calling that nutritionist and looking into getting a personal trainer at the Y. I'm present to the fact that I don't think I can do self care/self compassion completely on my own right now. 

3. I can't remember if I originally talked about this with Marit or not, but I've also been present to the idea that everyone is doing their best. What exactly does that mean? How do I really feel about it?  On the one hand, yes 100% I believe that everyone is doing their best. It's a great way to view people even in challenging situations. However on the other hand, is that a cop out? Is that me bending my boundaries? Or is that me still not having strong enough boundaries? For example, in regards to my mom, to think that she has and is doing her best is a way to perhaps deal with the struggles that we have and are continuing to going through. But what's wrong with wishing she would try harder? Or is it me wishing that I would try harder? Who am I really upset with here? I'm obviously in a pickle about this point and have a lot of questions still. I'm going to have to bring this up with Marit again. 

-knowing that processing and getting out what I'm feeling helps me so much.

-This blog allowing me to focus on all the positives in my life. 

-My apartment. 

-The way my apartment smells after I've lit candles. 

-The complements people give me about the way my apartment smells. 

-My big comfy chair. 

-My warm bed.

-The basics

-Breathing

-Dreaming

-Daring Greatly

-As always, my friends.

Gratitude on the go! 11-23-12

Today I am grateful for:
-This American Life. That show really gets me. Each episode exposes me to so much knowledge on such a personal level. It's wonderful.
-Small headphones.
-lunch with my dad
-a 40 minute break between work and the workshop. Was able to finish Top Chef and start American Horror Story.
-another sold out weekend of shows!
-being able to laugh at my mistakes. I was hosting the show tonight and completely forgot the title. Whoops! Laughed it off though. It was funny.
-A fun energetic improv set.
-being social at Emily's going away party. I never know what's going to happen, but tonight was good.
-feeling good
-being able to take a hot shower.
-the basics
-love
-laughter
-light
-as always, my friends.

Gratitude on the go! 11-22-12

Today I am grateful for:
-Pepito's Restaurant for welcoming anyone in today for a free meal. I've been volunteering there since I was in high school. Every year it brings me such joy to see everyone working together and helping each other out and being thankful for the little things that might be glazed over on other occasions.
-being brave enough to try to make my first pie ever. I've made a few pies before but they were under the guidance of Bead. She texted with me and cheered me on, but I had to do all the work myself this time. Here's the final product:

The crust is a little burnt,
and it could have a bit sweeter,
but I'm very proud of my first Peach Pie!

-The hodgepodge of people that all comes together for Thanksgiving. There were at least 18 of us! I got a bit overwhelmed at points, but nothing I couldn't breathe through.

-The fantastic meal that was prepared by several people!

Heaps of mashed potatoes,
creamed peas,
vegetarian stuffing,
and of course Turkey and gravy.
What a feast! 

-Dessert:

Pie Sampler:
Pumpkin pie,
Ice Cream Pie,
and Peace Pie!

-seeing a movie with my dad. Skyfall. I struggled a bit because it was long and slow at times, but I'm always grateful to go to the movies. :)

-Laughter

-The basics

-Light

-Love

-Thanksgiving. I'm not a fan of what Thanksgiving originally represented, which I don't think many people do anymore. Thanksgiving now really is a day of giving thanks. For a lot of people this is one of the only days people stop to actually think about all they have to be thankful for. I feel very fortunate that this blog has allowed me to express my gratitude and thanks every day for all the things that are so wonderful in my life. And I really do have SO much to be thankful for. I am thankful that I'm surround by people I love and care about, whom I will always support and be in their corner (and who will be in mine as well). I am thankful I have two amazing parents, who even though I struggle with sometimes, they made me the person I am today. I am thankful I have the most incredible jobs that I love with all my heart and that fulfill me completely. I am thankful for my insanely talented and awe inspiring co-workers. I am thankful for all the opportunities that I have been given. I am thankful for my personal struggles making me stronger. I am thankful for the comfort I find in my home. I am thankful for my roommate. I am thankful for Waking Up. I am thankful, I am thankful, I am thankful. Thank you. Thank you. 

-As always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 11-21-12

Today I am grateful for:
-relaxing
-taking some time to breathe.
-running errands
-hanging out with Hannah
-having dinner with Hannah and her family
-seeing some amazingly talented teens perform improv. They are so much fun to watch! I found myself covering my face to stifle my loud laughter. I'm very proud of them.
-laughter
-being asked to perform in a set tonight. I was hesitant to say yes because I really just went to see other people perform, but I'm glad I got the opportunity to play. It was really fun. I took some risks and pulled out some different characters. Not to mention getting to play with a fun group of ladies.
-getting to see Pop while she's in town.
-being present. Pop and I were catching up this evening and she expressed how she really like the picture I took of my dad and myself. She proclaimed at one point, "could you look any more like your dad?" She had no idea that was a trigger for me, but I smiled and said, "Nope. Probably not." I took a moment to realize how I was feeling, which was vulnerable (I could feel myself wanting to get passive aggressive or snappy towards her), but I was able to take a few deep breathes and let it go.
-a quite hour alone to myself at the house. It was very lovely
-the weather. The 60 degree weather the day before Thanksgiving. That really is something to be thankful for.
-as always, my friends

Ladies Reunion! (And it feels so good!)

Gratitude on the go! 11-20-12

Today I am grateful for:
-Sleeping in.
-being able to stay in my pjs ALL DAY!
-the time to clean my house.
-time.
-a quick gchat with Amy. It's always so good to hear from her.
-more purging.
-bitesquad
-catching up with Hannah OP. She's in town. I'm so glad we've stayed friends. She talked a lot about her job and some of the cases she's dealt with. Some sad, some funny, most just crazy. I always joke about if I was at her hospital that I would ask for another nurse, but honestly, I would only want her.
-Laughter
-The basics
-This quote:
"It's not what happens to you in life that counts; it's how you take it, and what you make of it."
-Some self compassion.
-Being present. Even though I had the ENTIRE day off, I had a hard time just sitting and living in it. I was cleaning for most of it. I dusted, I vacuumed, I did laundry, I washed dishes, I organized, etc. It felt great to be honest, but there was a small part of me that I was very aware of the fact that I really couldn't just sit and enjoy the moment. I was still numbing a bit. Josh on the other hand was sitting on the couch literally all day. He did not move until after I ate dinner which was around 6pm. He got up at 1pm. 5 whole hours of just sitting. I have to say I am impressed and slightly jealous. Granted he was playing a computer game the whole time, so I guess he was numbing too, but still. Anyway, I'm present to this fact and I'm going to try to work on it. I remember hearing something about an app called 10 minute meditations. I think I'm going to look into that.
-snuggling up in my clean sheets.
-breathing
-clean water
-As always, my friends.

Gratitude on the go! 11-19-12

Today I am grateful for:
-sleeping in.
-having my first day off since August. It feels fantastic.
-getting up the courage to call the abuse support group. They said I had to take the short term course before I started in the long term one. Fair enough. I did an intake with them and they're going to get back to me when they have enough people to start. I'm scared about it, but I'm glad I called.
-purging. I was able to get rid of a lot of stuff. There are so many things I've been holding on to for no reason. There are still a few things that I have found that I'll be keeping. Like a card from my grandma, or an old fanny pack from the 90s, or my Speak and Spell. Those have some pretty clear memories attached to them.
-being able to watch mindless tv. For a few hours. :)
-finding out that my mom also has a gratitude journal. I'm sure we're journaling about different things, but that is something that we have in common.
-having dinner with my dad.
-getting my apartment situated with my new furniture. Nesting is...how do I put it...um...all kinds of amazing.
-Laughter
-Breathing
-enjoying the moment. My roommate and I are separately on our own computers but sitting right next to each other. It sounds antisocial, but it's totally not. It's comfortable. We're respecting each others space.
-listening to great music. I haven't made a mix cd in a long time (probably because it's becoming a "retro" thing to do now) and I forgot how amazing it is!
-being present. Today I am present to the fact that when I don't hear back from people, friends in particular, I start to concoct scenarios in my mind about why they're not getting back to me. "Are they mad at me? Did I do something wrong? Was I being a burden? Should I stop contacting them?" Those thoughts spiral very quickly into, "Ugh! This is not about you. Why are you so selfish? I'm a bad friend." Then those thoughts leads to, "This is how I treat my mom sometimes when I don't contact her.  I should contact my mom. I'm a bad daughter. I'm so that ungrateful!" Etc, etc, etc.  I have to remind myself to breathe. I am present to those thoughts. I know I'm not a bad friend. I know I'm not a bad daughter. I'm breathing. I'm letting them go. They're just thoughts. They're just chipmunks. They don't control me.
-the basics
-my glasses. I feel really good when I wear them.
-this quote:
"We are responsible for our own destiny. What matters is how we improve ourselves from this moment forward."
-As always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 11-18-12

Today I am grateful for:
-An article on Huffington Post. It gave me a different view on online dating that I've never thought of before. For future reference.
-Brene Brown. It's her birthday today. I am very grateful for her being born.
-Listening to hours of This American Life.
-Teaching. We worked on genre today. After about an hour though we went to go play on the playground across the street. We played lava monster tag. I haven't done that in years! It was needed. Again, because the weather was so amazing!
-The term, "crafternoon." I will be using this from now on.
-A really great improv set! Jen and I performed a narrative horror mono scene. It was wonderful. Highlights for me: Getting to play with Jen (which is always an amazing time. She's so wonderful and brilliant. I feel so lucky to play with her), really sticking with the genre, having no idea how anything was going to work out but by the end everything fitting together, and having a fight with myself as two different characters.
-Meeting some new people.
-This joke: How do you know if someone is a vegan? Don't worry, they'll fucking tell you.
-As always, my friends.

Gratitude on the go! 11-17-12

Today I am grateful for:
-A good night of sleep.
-Having brunch with my dad.
-I know I keep talking about the weather, but seriously, look at this:

This might seem cold, but it's almost Thanksgiving.
For Minnesota, this is amazing.
Thanks Global Warming? 

-A couple hours to relax.

-Selling out every one of the holiday shows this weekend. The crowds contain mostly middle aged women and they are raucous! It almost feels like a bit of a rock concert. I love it. 

-A fun improv set.
-catching up with Bead on gchat. It's a bit baffling still to think that we weren't really close friends in college. Thank goodness that's not the case anymore. 

-This quote:

"Be happy in the moment, that's enough. Each moment is all we need, not more."

-As always, my friends.

Gratitude on the go! 11-16-12

Today I am grateful for:
-A restful morning
-my new chair! I love it a lot.
-some quiet time.
-TGIF. I am Thankful for the weather. Again. It was 50 degrees! AGAIN! I cannot express how happy I am about that. I am Grateful for opening night at the workshop. Right before the show in the pre show announcements, John and Jenni talked about how it is a right of passage to be a part of election show and the holiday show. I've been watching the holiday shows (and the election shows for that matter) at the workshop for years and have admired them from afar. It is still so strange to think that I am part of the crew. And this show is so much fun! It's just silly, silly fun. I love it. I love my job. I am Inspired by our director Caleb and his hard work and dedication to the workshop.
-Feeling confident after the improv portion of the show. A part of me is still struggling with just allowing myself to just be happy about it. I don't want to be perceived as cocky. However, the other part of me is saying fuck what others think! Tonight, I am listening to the latter part.
-Amanda coming to support me and see my show.
-Getting a complement at from an audience member after the show that I didn't know.
-Being present. I am going to try to write down what I am being present to from now on. Tonight I am grateful that I am being present to the fact that I have a hard time focusing in big crowds. I want to keep moving around and bop in and out of different conversations instead of fully investing in the one I'm in at that moment. I am present to that now and I hope in the future to change that behavior.
-Padre. He has always been so supportive of me. I don't think he has ever missed a scripted show of mine. That is impressive. He's a good dude.

Padre and I in front of a huge fake fire.
I'm pretty sure this will be our Christmas Card photo. 

-These quotes:

"The only person who never makes mistakes is the person who never does anything." 

"Until you make peace with who you are, you'll never be content with what you have."

-As always, my friends.

Gratitude on the go! 11-15-12

Today I am grateful for:
-being surprisingly happy for waking up early. Popped up like toast! Boing!

Good morning!

Here is a before and after picture.
Last night at 10pm
This morning at 8am

-these quotes:

"The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself."

"The kindest thing you can do for someone else is listen without forming an opinion."
"Remember this, that very little is needed to make a happy life."

-the weather today. 50 degrees, bright and sunny. For November 15th, can't ask for better than that!
-laughter.
-my job(s). Again, beyond grateful.
-the stars shining brightly tonight.
-Water
-a long shower.
-feeling happy.
-telling myself that I am beautiful. And believing it.
-the basics
-breathing
-as always, my friends.

Gratitude on the go! 11-14-12

Today I am grateful for:

-Ruthie helping me move a chair into my apartment. It was a bit of an adventure. I really appreciated her sacrifice with her time. I know she's insanely busy. Busy with good problems, but busy none the less.

-Seeng Brené Brown speak. I've been wanting to gush about it all day. She was incredible. Words simply cannot express how great she was. She talked for an hour and then did about 40 minutes of Q and A. Her talk  consisted of mostly telling stories. Her stories were so impactful. I really resonated with so much of what she said. And she's funny! She really is a master at what she does. I started taking notes at the beginning, but I stopped right away. I just wanted to be in the moment and listen to what she said. Man. I felt so grateful to have been able to go see her. Her Q and A was great too. And I was able to get second row seats! I don't know how I lucked out on that one. I got there pretty late and the place was mostly packed. Then there was a side section of seating and two whole rows no one was really sitting in. I was like, no way! I can't be this lucky. But I was. I was just smiling the whole time. Just grinning like an idiot. At the end I thought I'd try to go up and see if I could talk to her (not that I had anything to say to her other than OH HAI THANKS FOR CHANGING MY LIFE I LIKE YOUR GLASSES) or if she was signing books. She had a plane to catch so she left pretty quickly. Which I think is for the best. So yeah. That's my free gush about seeing Brené Brown. 

I wasn't allowed to take pictures once the lecture started,
but this is the event I was at to hear Brene Brown speak. 

-Another great preview for the holiday show. 

-feeling confident. I got a new pair of gap jeans (which makes my butt look amazing btw) and wore my new boyfriend sweater and plain dark grey tshirt. And my cowboy boots. I got a lot of complements, which I decided to take fully.

-feeling happy.

-being present.

-having a really fun set with the Minneapples tonight. 

Getting ready to go onstage. 

-daring greatly. 

-loving deeply

-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 11-13-12

Today I am grateful for:
-Therapy. It was a hard one, but overall good to get off my chest. I really hope one day I'll feel worthy of love and belonging. I so long to be wholehearted. I know I've made progress, but there's still a long road ahead. "It's going to be okay. It's going to be okay. I'm going to be okay."
-Having the time to do some house work. I started purging today. I gave my desk away, made a pile of books and clothing I'm going to give away, and I moved my bookshelf to make room for my new chair. There's still a bunch of stuff on the table that used to be on the desk that I need to be put away, but this is all very helpful. This stuff makes me happy. I'm happy in the present. "Today is today. Today is not yesterday. Today is not tomorrow."
-getting a new pair of discounted gap jeans. I was able to get them using a gift card. Free gap jeans are even better than discounted gap jeans.
-Hanging out with Emily
-Laughter
-Some alone time
-A nice quick rehearsal to tighten things up in the show.
-Seeing a movie at the last second. It was called Sessions. It was pretty good. I love that I've seen 3 movies this week. I used to do that all the time. It's more rare these days. The fact that I'm able to do it at all though makes me a bit giddy.
-Breathing
-Being present
-The basics
-finally being able to do laundry.
-As always, my friends.

Gratitude on the go! 11-12-12

Today I am grateful for:
-Visiting Kat. I don't see her nearly enough, but I'm always so glad when I do. She's like a sister to me. An older sister that I wish I could have had growing up. She's one of only a few people I can talk openly with about mom. She's known my mom almost as long as me and she also has struggled to have a relationship with her. It's nice to have someone who understands the majority of that whole situation.
-Getting a lovebomb email from Jen today. I didn't really answer any emails at all today, but her message made me smile.
-the majority of the day off. Amanda and I had quite the adventure today. It was great! We started off by getting tacos around 2pm, then seeing Taken 2 (so bad it was good), then getting smore stuff and coming back to my place eating candle s'mores while watching Walking Dead. It was so much fun.
-SO much laughter
-Being able to see another play. Trista wrote a play and I was able to see it. It was pay what you can night. I most definitely only had...around 40 cents. I wanted to support the theater though! I really liked the show. It was strangely surreal and also too real at the same time. None the less, I liked it.
-StumbleUpon.com
-The basics
-Being present
-Love
-As always, my friends.

Gratitude on the go! 11-11-12

Today I am grateful for:
-Teaching. I love my group of kids. I honestly wished I had the imagination that they have. They are all such wonderful improvisers. Better than a lot of improvisers in town that have been improvising for years. I sometimes dread going to teach, but once I get there it all melts away. They light up my day.
This quote:
"We do not remember days; we remember moments"
-Laughter
-The basics
-As always, my friends.

Gratitude on the go! 11-10-12

Today I am grateful for:

-A relaxing morning

-Seeing a movie. Wreck-It Ralph. It was really awesome. It made me realize how much I would love to do more voice overs. 

-A quick catch up with Ruth. 

-Hanging out with Amanda. Laughing about the stupidest shit. 

-This:

It's November 10th and it was 70 degrees today.
Pardon my French, but FUCK YES! 

-Being able to go to Jenny's wedding. I was only able to go for a hot second, but it was really nice to see her walk down the isle. I'm a huge sucker for weddings. As Steph would say, "It's my kryptonite." It's true. I cannot hold my shit together at weddings. I also feel very honored that she invited me to her wedding. I honestly can't remember the last time we actually spoke to one another, but once upon a time we were really good friends. Lots of great laughs. So it was wonderful to be a part of her big day. Even if it was just for a minute. 

-Another fun preview. Sold out crowd. Not as wild as last nights, but that's okay. I really like the show.

-Finding out we don't have rehearsal until Tuesday evening. 

-Performing with the Minneapples. 

-Being present. 

-Laughter

-The basics

-As always, my friends. 

Gratitude on the go! 11-9-12

Today I am grateful for:
-Being able to sleep in.
-A productive rehearsal
-Taking a power nap.
-A really fun second preview.
-Finding out I have the day off tomorrow.
-Laughter
-The basics
-Love
-This quote:
"Joy comes from using your potential."
-Being present. I am present to the fact that I am feeling happy. Genuinely happy. This feeling hasn't happened in awhile. There are a lot of elements that are contributing to why I'm feeling this way, but I really want to make note of that I actually am feeling happy.
-A quiet evening at home.
-TGIF. I am feeling Thankful for the great audience at our preview tonight. I am Grateful for my strengths that I was able to identify in therapy this week. I am Inspired by this speech by Barak Obama:   
-As always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 11-8-12

Today I am grateful for:
-A good nights rest
-Tea from the Tea Garden.
-Having a good first preview for the holiday show. It still needs work, but adding the audience was great to see what works and what doesn't.
-Chino happy hour with Emily.
-Laughter
-Love
-Light
-The basics
-As always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 11-7-12

Today I am grateful for:
-finding out that both the marriage and the voter ID amendments didn't pass! Feeling extremely happy and proud to be a Minnesotan.
-Amanda helping me with my lines.
-laughter
-the basics
-being present
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 11-6-12

Today I am grateful for:
-Voting. This is my third election I've been eligible to vote in and it's still exciting! I got up bright and early and by 8:30am:

True Fact. 

I was beaming ear to ear when I left the polling station. I knew that no matter what the outcome was at that point in time, I exercised my right as an American. And it felt damn good.

-Therapy. I felt very accomplished today. I left not feeling deflated, but instead inflated. I believe some people might even call that confidence. :)

-My therapist

-A productive tech. 

-Laughter

-Love 

-Joy

-Freedom

-Seeing this on TV:

Beyond elated! 

There were some skeptics amongst us in the group.
They said it was called too soon.
But if Fox News says Obama won,
It's a fact.
Boom. 

-As always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 11-5-12

Today I am grateful for:
-being able to get a good nights sleep
-a productive day at tech
-singing
-laughing
-breathing
-being present
-the basics
-seeing Jen and Megan. Even it it was for just a minute. I feel like I haven't been able to be there for them because of schedule stuff. Ugh. What a lame excuse. I know I'm not pregnant and I don't know what they're going through in that regard, but I want them to know that I care about them and if they did need anything I'd be able help them out. I don't want to be thought of as a flake. Oh time management, you tricky bastard.
-working on lines productively
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 11-4-12

Today I am grateful for:
-this quote:
"We choose our destiny in the way we treat others."
-being able to capture some highlights of my day in pictures:

My friend Anna on This American Life. Awesome. 

Some amazing chalk art on the walls of the BNW stage.
It's only for a corporate event so it'll be gone soon.
This is just a small portion of all the art,
but I wanted something to remember it forever

Leaving rehearsal and finding this note on my car.
Completely made my day! 

A little hot cocoa while I memorize my lines. #win. 

-hanging out with Christine tonight. It was her birthday today. She's such a joy to be around. I am so glad that we have stayed friends for all these years. She had a small gathering at her place. A "kiki" as it were. As much as I hate the term kiki, I still had a good time. 

-laughter

-love

-hugs

-the basics

-Amanda calling me to come pick her up while she was at work because she was intoxicated. She had a rough night but I'm glad she was able to talk about it and process it with people that she trusted. Ruth was there too. She was giving some solid advice. I'm hoping that in our attempt to support Amanda we didn't overwhelm her too much. 

-my therapist. she has really allowed me to help others in a way I've never been able to before.

-Brene Brown. She has given me a vocabulary that has also allowed me to communicate with others in times when they or myself are in need.

-As always, my friends