-The really nice employees at Caribou Coffee. They always take time to ask how my day is going.
-Knowing the trivia question at Caribou.
-Working at the SMM
-Having great audiences at the SMM
-Jen coming to see my show. I love hearing her laugh. It fills me with such joy.
-Laughter
-Being present. I've been present about a few things today. All things that are under the subject of compassion:
1. I've been thinking a lot about how I can become a more compassionate person. In her podcast, and her books for that matter, Brene Brown talks about the most compassionate people have clearly outlined boundaries. I struggle with this. I don't know how exactly to set up proper boundaries. I know I let people walk over me because I am willing to bend over backwards to make sure the other person is feeling okay. This has been a long standing problem for me I know. "Make sure everyone else is okay and happy even if it means sacrificing my own happiness." This is not a good mantra to live by. I've been doing it for years. I just did it this evening at work. Someone else was unhappy with an improv game they were suppose to play. I really didn't want to do it either, but I said I would. And I'll be honest, I didn't feel good about saying yes to it. As a result, I didn't have a good scene either. (Although even though I didn't feel great about it, I did dare greatly with my choices.) I don't want to resent them for that. I chose to step in and take one for the team. I'm literally doing it right now! I'm talking to a friend on gchat, and even though I know it would be so. helpful. for me to share how I'm feeling and what I'm trying to process, I just cannot bring myself to say, "Hey, I know you said you were doing fantastic right now, but I'm in a bit of a tough spot. Do you mind processing with me?" I just cannot bring myself to ask. Ugh! It's so frustrating! Breathe. It's okay. One day. I'm still learning to live in a moment of discomfort than stew in resentment. I think I'm going to try to work towards Brene's mantra instead of mine: "I'll do everything to help, but I'm not going to enable. I love you, but I won't participate in your self destruction. I'll own my part in our struggles, and I'll expect the same from you. Boundaries, respect, and consideration are not negotiable. Empathy works both ways. Love is something we practice, not something we profess."
2. I'm also present to the fact that if other people are not feeling good, I have a tendency to be sucked into feeling down as well. (I think this goes under the same category as the boundaries/compassion.)
3. I really want need to work on self compassion. I think a couple of big steps will be calling that nutritionist and looking into getting a personal trainer at the Y. I'm present to the fact that I don't think I can do self care/self compassion completely on my own right now.
3. I can't remember if I originally talked about this with Marit or not, but I've also been present to the idea that everyone is doing their best. What exactly does that mean? How do I really feel about it? On the one hand, yes 100% I believe that everyone is doing their best. It's a great way to view people even in challenging situations. However on the other hand, is that a cop out? Is that me bending my boundaries? Or is that me still not having strong enough boundaries? For example, in regards to my mom, to think that she has and is doing her best is a way to perhaps deal with the struggles that we have and are continuing to going through. But what's wrong with wishing she would try harder? Or is it me wishing that I would try harder? Who am I really upset with here? I'm obviously in a pickle about this point and have a lot of questions still. I'm going to have to bring this up with Marit again.
-knowing that processing and getting out what I'm feeling helps me so much.
-This blog allowing me to focus on all the positives in my life.
-My apartment.
-The way my apartment smells after I've lit candles.
-The complements people give me about the way my apartment smells.
-My big comfy chair.
-My warm bed.
-The basics
-Breathing
-Dreaming
-Daring Greatly
-As always, my friends.
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