Today I am grateful for:
-my bed
-this journal
-being present. I'm in struggle today. I think its a combination of yesterdays event and lack of sleep and just general exhaustion. I definitely had a trigger happen tonight. I've been doing so well for so long it kind of took me aback. It was something so trivial. I didn't know I was suppose to be getting my picture taken tonight. Miscommunication. It happens. No big deal. I tried to address that I wasn't really up for it with the others, but I was brushed over. I wasn't heard. (Wow. That is a realization I'm just making in this second. I wasn't being heard.) I had to remove myself from the room and go try to breathe it out in the bathroom. I didn't know how else to handle myself. I couldn't get my head around my thoughts. I was definitely in shame. My rational brain was gone. I tried to remember my four steps, which semi-worked, but I didn't reach out to anyone. I so badly want to be able to do that someday. I want to feel worthy of connection in times of need. I want to feel worthy of connection period. Today felt like a slow motion fall that concluded with me face down in the dirt. That's okay though. I'm okay. It's going to be okay. I'm just gonna have to take a breath, dust of off the dirt, and pick myself up for tomorrow.
-a hot shower
-the basics
-breathing
-as always, my friends.
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