Today I am grateful for:
-sleeping really soundly.
-my therapist. She unintentionally triggered me right at the top of our session, which was definitely challenging. A lot of shame rose up extremely fast. I had a small anxiety attack as a result. It just brought to my attention that I still struggle to value my own opinions and thoughts. I'd rather make everyone else around me comfortable and sacrifice my own happiness to make it happen. My therapist calls it self protective. I call it stupid fucking bullshit. I hate that it's still the case, but it is. I used to view taking care of others no matter the cost an asset, but I know now that I also have to take care of my own needs, too. It just feels so self indulgent. I'm trying to be kind to myself about it, but shame really got the best of me. And on top of that I felt embarrassed. I think what also made today's session particularly hard was that I was going to talk about that exact subject. That I still struggle to say or do what I want in fear that it might make others upset. Even as I'm writing this I'm getting a bit agitated. However, as much as it sucked, I am grateful it happened. It led us to work on a pretty powerful exercise with boundaries. One minute at a time.
-a short rehearsal
-a few really nice texts
-taco tuesday with Ruth. We also got Tres Leches Cake at Amanda's place. SO GOOD.
-seeing a fox on my drive home. I was having a pretty intense relapse of previous feelings so it was nice to have a distraction that pulled me out of it. Thanks fox. I wonder what you would say to that. :)
-this video. I've never watched this show, but this made me all kinds of happy:
-also this:
-laughter
-the basics
-Jaime asking if I wanted to watch a scary movie. Yes please.
-as always, my friends
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