Gratitude on the go! 10-30-13

Today I am grateful for:
-this quote:
"Never apologize for showing feelings. When you do so, you apologize for truth."
-Getting a running order of the first act of the show. Super helpful.
-CAP
-An evening spent with Ruth, Amanda, and Brittany. I love these ladies. We went to Brasa and Ruth regaled us with stories about her life right now. She's so happy. So I'm happy.

I am so grateful for these woman. So, so grateful. 

-Brittany giving me some really solid advice.
-laughter

-watching silly videos online 

-the basics

-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 10-29-13

Today I am grateful for:
-sleeping really soundly.
-my therapist. She unintentionally triggered me right at the top of our session, which was definitely challenging. A lot of shame rose up extremely fast. I had a small anxiety attack as a result. It just brought to my attention that I still struggle to value my own opinions and thoughts. I'd rather make everyone else around me comfortable and sacrifice my own happiness to make it happen. My therapist calls it self protective. I call it stupid fucking bullshit. I hate that it's still the case, but it is. I used to view taking care of others no matter the cost an asset, but I know now that I also have to take care of my own needs, too. It just feels so self indulgent. I'm trying to be kind to myself about it, but shame really got the best of me. And on top of that I felt embarrassed. I think what also made today's session particularly hard was that I was going to talk about that exact subject. That I still struggle to say or do what I want in fear that it might make others upset. Even as I'm writing this I'm getting a bit agitated. However, as much as it sucked, I am grateful it happened. It led us to work on a pretty powerful exercise with boundaries. One minute at a time.
-a short rehearsal
-a few really nice texts
-taco tuesday with Ruth. We also got Tres Leches Cake at Amanda's place. SO GOOD.
-seeing a fox on my drive home. I was having a pretty intense relapse of previous feelings so it was nice to have a distraction that pulled me out of it. Thanks fox. I wonder what you would say to that. :)
-this video. I've never watched this show, but this made me all kinds of happy:

-also this:

-laughter
-the basics
-Jaime asking if I wanted to watch a scary movie. Yes please.
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 10-28-13

Today I am grateful for:
-a fun VO this morning.
-a productive rehearsal.
-CAP. Arley is the greatest. Our show is super fun. Like, SUPER fun. I'm excited for it!
-getting a massage tonight. It was my birthday treat to myself. 90 minutes of greatness. I kind of half dreamt while I was on the table. I was definitely present for the majority of it, but once he started massaging my feet I kind of checked out. Sorry I'm not sorry!
-laughter
-feeling relaxed
-egg drop soup. Still my favorite. Now until forever.
-the basics
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 10-27-13

Today I am grateful for:
-sleeping in until 11am. I must have really needed it.
-a productive get relaxing morning
-teaching. Those kids do some really wonderful scene work. It's sometimes so fun to watch.
-finding out I had a free evening.
-Hannah, Josh, and Petey coming over to watch American Horror Story.

Petey was so excited he did the splits! 

-Ruth is back in town! I picked her up from the airport and we caught up a bit while I drove her to her car. She's doing so well. I'm so excited for her!

-laughter

-the basics

-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 10-26-13

Today I am grateful for:
-a good nights sleep.
-this quote:
"If you dont take a chance, you dont stand a chance."
-brunch with Kdog. It's just always a good time.
-laughter
-having a few hours by myself to recharge.
-padre coming over to help me put something up that I couldn't reach by myself. It's very rare he's the tall one. I understand that feeling. You're welcome, padre!
-two good crowds for the shows tonight.
-being brave and going to a costume party. I dressed as a giant. You're welcome, party people.
-friendly faces that are welcoming.
-being asked to join a ladies fun get together group. Honestly, not much else could make me happier than that today.
-the basics
-being snuggled in bed
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 10-25-13

Today I am grateful for:
-waking up before my alarm and feeling rested
-a productive rehearsal.
-a great audience
-a fun improv set
-a really phenomenal complement from an audience member. They were a total stranger to me. In my opinion, those are the best kind of complements because they have no obligation to tell you how they feel. Basically they said that I was their favorite and while the rest of the cast was at a 9.5 out of 10 in terms of awesome, I was at a 20. It put a huge smile on my face. I'm so very grateful.
-the moon tonight! It was big and low in the sky and was a dark orange. There were wispy clouds in front of it. It was Super beautiful.
-late night drives with Padre.
OMG THIS! Apparently this link is old news, but it's new to me and I freaking LOVE IT. I could NOT stop laughing.
-feeling more like myself. Minute by minute.
-the basics
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 10-24-13

Today I am grateful for:
-These quotes:
"Happiness mainly comes from our own attitude, rather than from external factors."

"Prepare for the new; expect the new; embrace the new. Otherwise, you'll just repeat what's old."
-A voice over with Target
-having a few hours in between gigs.
-email volleys
-feeling seen. Quick story: I was at Walgreens tonight, you know buying shampoo, deodorant, paper towels, etc, and I was heading to the check out line and I hear this guy say, "That is a great purse. Is that the skyline of MPLS on there?" I actually wasn't really paying attention because I didn't realize he was talking to me. The only reason I looked up at all was because I wanted to see this person's potentially awesome purse. It took me a second to register that, yes indeed, he was talking to me. I explained the purse was not a skyline of mpls, just a random design. He then asked if he thought it was weird that a guy complemented a purse. I said no and actually I found it flattering. He said that made him feel good. He then asked me my name and vice versa and said it was really nice to meet me and I said the same back to him. The whole conversation felt very flirty? Is that a thing? Flirting with guys at the checkout counter at Walgreens? Maybe. I guess I felt seen tonight. Like this guy was doing more than just looking at me. He was seeing me. I don't know. Maybe that's just wishful thinking. Gotta start somewhere right? He was tall, dark, and hansom. Even after he left and I was still checking out, when I got outside to go to my car he waved to me from his car and said goodbye again. His name was Calvin by the way. Or Kalvin. I didn't ask if it was spelled with a C or a K. I'm gonna assume with a C, but I secretly hope it's with a K. 
-the basics
-laughter
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 10-23-13

Today I am grateful for:
-being able to sleep in a bit
-getting out of rehearsal early.
-catching up on some horror movies
-going on a second date. It was very nice. Super low key. We went to the Kity Cat Klub. He makes me smile. We chatted about going on a third date. So, we'll see. Minute by minute.
-laughter
-the basics
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 10-22-13

Today I am grateful for:
-my therapist. I was glad to be back and debrief things with her. I always appreciate her support and visualizations.
-rehearsal
-going to an incredible concert. Janelle Monae. It might have actually been the best concert I've ever been to. I met with Roomie around 5:15 to get happy hour before the show. The doors opened at 6 but apparently Janelle wasn't going to go on until 9. I was worried it was just gonna be a lot of waiting around. It wasn't too bad at all actually. After waiting in line for almost an hour or so, we finally got into the space and even though there were a TON a people ahead of us, we magically right up in front! I was really excited about that. There was an opening act that was pretty bleh, but it didn't matter. Her show was a spectacle from top to bottom. The mood, the costumes, the lights, the sound, her singing! It was just fanfreakintastic! She played for about 2 hours and hit on all her big songs. She also did two fantastic covers of a Jackson 5 song and a Prince song. It was so cool! And she crowd surfed! I totally helped. :) Basically, it was outstanding. I'm so grateful Roomie asked me to go with her. It was 1000% worth it.

Just getting a front row spot of Janelle doing her thang.
So much winning. 

-laughter

-the basics

-as always, my friends.

Gratitude on the go! 10-21-13

Today I am grateful for:
-this quote:
"She could never go back and make some of the details pretty. All she could do was move forward and make the whole beautiful."
-a quick VO pickup for Dairy Queen
-Target. Even though I can never get only one thing.
-a productive rehearsal
-CAP. And it begins. Andy and I are doing a play together. Arley wrote A SEQUAL to his show from last year. I'm very excited to reprise my role as baby leopard.
-going over to Anna's and watching Hocus Pocus. Her house is really, really great. Oh, and so is HP. Always will be amazing.
-Starting my 6 week Brene Brown art journaling/life class. I'm very excited about it. It's already posed to be challenging, but in a great way. I'm already having to remind myself to let go and lean in. Can't wait to find out what the rest of the class will have in store.

One of our assignments was to write
"I am imperfect and I am enough" on our hand
and take a picture of ourselves. 

-laughter

-the basics

-as always, my friends. 

Gratitude on the go! 10-20-13

Today I am grateful for:
-the morning off. I relaxed. Caught up on some emails. Watched some tv.
-the youth team. They were pretty great today. There weren't a lot of them because of MEA, so we all taught as a big group. I like that because I can learn new exercises myself
-my e-course starting up!
-Jen Scott. It's her birthday today. She is such a light in my life. I hope when I grow up I can be half of her awesomeness. She's so kind and giving and warm and fun and inspiring. I hope she had an amazing day.
-an evening with Hannah and Brittany. We got tacos, which were amazing, and then we get dessert from Muddy Waters and came back to my place and played some more cards against humanity, watched AHS, and carved some pumpkins. Josh and Peety also came over. Super fun and low key night.
-laughter
-the basics
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 10-19-13

Today I am grateful for:
-the big things
-the little things
-the in between things
-the basics
-laughter
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 10-18-13

Today I am grateful for:
-being able to sleep in
-waking up to a great text.
-laughter
-remembering this quote:
"Never let success get to your head. Never let failure get to your heart."
-being present. I'm not going to lie, I had a really bad set tonight and it's eating at me. It got to my core. When I don't feel funny, I don't feel like me. I'm trying to be kind to myself and shake it off, but I can't. Not yet. I know sleeping on it will make it better. So that's what I should do.
-seeing the new Carrie movie tonight. It was actually pretty darn good. I'm a bit behind on my scary movie watching but I should be able to do some catching up this weekend. I have to remember to count AHS and Walking Dead.
-the basics
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 10-17-13

Today I am grateful for:
-getting another VO for the Y. Super fun!
-having time to run errands.
-getting a text about meeting up next week. :)
-the opportunity to do some sound stuff!
-laughter
-the basics
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 10-16-13

Today I am grateful for:
-breaking ice. We had an early morning show (8am) but it went really well. The audience seemed to really like it a lot, which is obviously what one hopes for. They had some great feedback to what they took away from the performance. Boom.
-being able to meet up with Duncan! We got brunch (it was 10:30 and the place we went to only had soup. It was weird, but I love soup so it didn't bother me) and then we went and drove to the falls and around some lakes. It was really wonderful to see him!

Badunkadunk!
We both wore purple!
Hooray! 

-laughter

-dinner and a show with padre. We got some great sushi and then went to Cirque Du Soleil. Really fun. There was on bit in particular that blew my mind. I'm not going to be able to explain it well, but basically this woman was playing pick up sticks with GIANT sticks that by the end were all balancing on themselves. It was nuts and incredible. Definitely my favorite thing of the night.

No pictures allowed inside.

-the basics

-feeling a bit more like myself for longer periods of time. 

-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 10-15-13

Today I am grateful for:
-feeling like myself again for most of the day. One minute at a time
-rehearsal. Good feedback on stuff.
-laughter. So much laughter at rehearsal today. It was wonderful.
-being able to speak my thoughts out loud. Someone was talking to me about my mom and I honestly couldn't really deal with it. I knew it was getting me upset so I just said I can't talk about this right now And they just said, "okay that's totally cool. We never have to talk about anything you don't want to." and then we moved on. It was just that easy. I was a little bit shocked. I do eventually want to finish that conversation, but I just couldn't do it tonight. And that's okay.
-daring greatly. I went on a date tonight. And you know what, it was fun. I had a really good time. Our conversations were very natural and relaxed. I never felt like either one of us were struggling to find things to talk about. Yeah there were a few awkward pauses, but nothing out of the ordinary. We actually had more in common then we thought. So yeah. I don't know what's going to happen next, and you know what? That's okay. One minute at a time. Tonight was fun and that's what matters. He was very sweet. And he paid. Bonus points for sure. :)
-the basics
-being able to be in bed by 10pm. #adulting
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 10-14-13

Today I am grateful for:
-waking up naturally
-encouragement from unlikely sources
-group. Just two of us again. It was really good though. I was able to process some of my feelings about all the bullshit drama going on. I got good feedback.
-laughter
-the basics
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 10-13-13

Today I am grateful for:

-hanging out with Lydia. going out to brunch and watching scary movies. It was very nice

-the weather being warmish

-dinner at Brasa with Amanda, Brittany, and Hannah. We basically got everything on the menu. Then we went back to my place and played cards against humanity and watched American Horror Story. It was so great. I was able to take my mind off of things for a bit. 

I love these ladies.
They're all kinds of amazing.
I'm so very lucky.

-laughter

-the basics

-as always, my friends. 

Gratitude on the go! 10-12-13

Today I am grateful for:
-being able to sleep in. Although now that I'm officially an adult, sleeping in is like 9:30.
-this article: 29 underrated things about being in your late 20s
-this article: 13 things you probably didnt know about hocus pocus
-hanging out with Kdog. We went to our popover place and laughed and laughed and laughed. He honest to goodness makes me laugh so genuinely hard it's incredible.
-rediscovering bestie by bestie.
-feeling like myself again for a bit. Minute by minute.
-laughter
-the beautiful moon. It was even more breathtaking last night.
-good crowds for the shows tonight
-the basics
-melatonin
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 10-11-13

Today I am grateful for:
-This quote:
"Seek not happiness too greedily, and be not fearful of happiness"
-all the birthday love via facebook, texts, calls, etc. It's been truly wonderful.
-the beautiful warm weather
-being able to leave a few minutes early from Breaking Ice to get to the workshop on time for rehearsal
-padre taking me out to dinner
-the gifts I've gotten. Lauren gave me a sweet paper lantern that I've wanted for a long time and I got some flowers and a gift card from padre. I also got this:

I come home tonight to find a package on my doorstep.
Some Glam Doll Donuts and this awesome tshirt from Threadless!
There's no name on it, but I have my suspicions...Jen...

-laughter

-the basics

-as always, my friends. 

Gratitude on the go! 10-10-13

Today I am grateful for:
-having a solid uninterrupted night of sleep
-breaking ice
-being able to see my therapist again today. It was nice to be able to process all the bullshit drama that has been going on the last few days.
-The beautiful weather. Mid 70s all day. Wonderful
-communication. It can be so hard sometimes, but it's so important. It's funny how things just fall into place after things are talked about.
-laughter
-the basics
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 10-9-13

Today I am grateful for:
-The support in my life. There's been an unfortunate amount of bullshit drama in the last 24 hours, and the support I've been getting via texts, calls, emails, etc through all of it has been great.  I'm so incredibly thankful it's ridiculous.
-Daring greatly and reaching out. It was very challenging, but it was worth it.
-Learning about people's stories.
-having a really great landlord
-getting to perform with BOX! tonight. It's been a really long time since Emily and I have had a chance to perform and tonight we were able to. It was super great. Like, really great. I honestly don't really remember everything that happened. White light. I remember that it was fun and that we both had a great time. I'm honored to get to perform with her. She's a phenomenal improviser. And it's her birthday today! Double win!

An artsy picture taken by Emily's mom
It's actually pretty cool
minus the fact that it looks like I just have black holes for eyes.

-laughter

-the basics

-as always, my friends. 

Gratitude on the go! 10-8-13

Today I am grateful for:
-this quote:
"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give."
-breaking ice. It's so challenging and fun to create these shows. I went in with low energy and left with quite a bit more. It was very nice.
-being gifted an extra hour of time! We got out an hour early. It was wonderful.
-roomie sending me a free two week online meditation program. It's exactly in line with one of my two simple steps for the week. Couldn't have asked for better timing.
-having an impromptu evening with Brittany. It was so much fun. Tacos, talking, and TWO desserts.

Tres Leches cake and Apple Pie with Carmelle Ice Cream.
And yes. We ate it all.
#adulting 

-Laughter

-the wonderfully warm by crisp fall weather today.
-A phone call from Amy. Totally unexpected and totally great. I really appreciated that she called to talk and process with me. 

-Padre being there for me in times of need. I was dealing with some anger and confusion and he was able to talk to me and calm me down. I remember thinking in the moment when he was talking to me, "I'm feeling vulnerable and grateful. I'm feeling vulnerable and grateful." He really helped me out. I needed some reassurance and he was able to provide that for me. Thank you, Padre. 

-remembering to take things minute by minute. Minute by minute. Minute by minute. 

-the basics

-simple act of breathing 

-as always, my friends. 

Gratitude on the go! 10-7-13

Today I am grateful for:
-This quote:
"The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart." 
-The sun being out and it feeling warm. It was such a pleasant surprised when I left the house this morning.
-my therapist. We discovered a lot today, which was so helpful. A big discovery was that I realized I had a lot of physical contact with people this week, and instead of it being something that terrified me, it was something I longed for without even knowing about it. That's pretty huge. Her guidance has allowed me to find peace and understanding of these last few days. I left with a plan for the week. Nothing major, just two really simple things. Take my vitamins and a little time out of the day to relax/meditate. One minute at a time.
-getting lunch with Bffl at Blackbird. Man what a great friend. I can't wait for the day she moves back here. She brings me lots of joy.
-having time in the afternoon to write with some of the cast. It was nice to have some other voices there to read with and get feedback about things. I got two sketches down today and still I'm working on a third. All together I have four.
-group. I love those ladies. They're just all so wonderful and empowering. I took some time to talk about I'm going through and how even though being Stuck sucks, I'm aware this time around that this is not how I'll be feeling forever. As I was talking I definitely started to shake, which I know now is my body trying to release tension and energy. It felt good. I felt good. I still feel good.
-Being present. I'm present that I'm feeling so much better today. Thank goodness. Who knows how the week will unfold, but as of now I'm hoping that I'm out of the stickiness for awhile again.
-all the support in my life.
-Lara. It's her birthday today. She is my oldest friend. Born 4 days apart and we've known each other since the day I was born. We don't talk that much anymore, but she was a pretty big part of my life for a long, long time. I hope she's having a wonderful day.
-late night car rides with Padre.
-laughter
-the basics
-as always, my friends.

Gratitude on the go! 10-6-13

Today I am grateful for:
-meeting up with Anna for brunch and a quick Target run.
-having a second to sit and listen to some music at the tea garden.
-the youth team performing. They all did pretty great.
-having the time to watch a scary movie and do laundry. I'm a day behind, so I think I'm gonna watch another one tonight still. We'll see. Maybe a classic like Scream or something only semi scary. I watched The Orphanage today and quite good. I would say B+. I think all of the movies I've watch so far have been good. I'm keeping a list in my notebook.
-being present. I'm present to the fact that I'm Still struggling. Less today, but it's still there. I feel it most in my chest. It's a tight feeling. Like someone is pulling at both sides of a rope and I'm in the middle. Or its like a slow motion massive impact after you strike a really large gong. I know that's so weird and specific, but that's what it feels like to me. The tide is out right now, which is good, but I'm definitely on edge and waiting for it to come back in. Trying to remember to just be in the moment. The shoe will drop when it drops. Man, I'm putting all the metaphors in this passage.
-Brene Brown. I signed up for her 6 week e-course. With the way I've been feeling these days I think it'll be good for me. I heard another amazing quote of hers that, once again, hits it right on the nose: "When you cannot ask for help without self judgement, you are never really offering help without judgement...When you extract worthiness from helping people, that's judgement. When you don't extract worthiness and you think, "I'm just helping you because one day I'm going to need help" that's connection. That's vulnerability." Oof. That one was a hard one to hear. I know that's been me. I know at times it's still me. However, I'm owning up to it right now. I am actively working on changing that. I truly do love to help people and always have. I will always listen and hold space with those who need it, but now I am also sharing my struggles and ask for support when I need it. It's not easy, and yes sometimes I still can't do it, but I've seen how transformative it can be when others do it and when I've done it, so therefore I will continue to pursue it. So, with that being said, I'm gonna practice what I preach and I am gonna reach out right here right now. Since admitting that asking for help is extremely hard for me, what I could use is a little reassurance that I'm not alone. So if you happen to be reading this and you agree that, yes, it is hard to reach out, a simple, "me too" would be incredible. If you want to elaborate more you're welcome to as well. I also wanna throw this out there that I've never done anything like this before on this blog. This is a TRE (tiny radical experiment) for sure. I should also say the reason I feel like I can even toy with the notion of reaching out on here is because I know everyone personally who has the link to this blog and therefore I trust you.
-the basics
-laughter
-late night happy hour with Emily
-as always, my friends.

Gratitude on the go! 10-5-13

Today I am grateful for:
-seeing a double feature with Roomie and her friends. We saw Gravity and Don Jon. I thought they were both okay, but nothing to cry home about. I'm glad I saw them, but I wouldn't see them again.
-Heather Myer kicking ass and taking names. Lauren lost her voice and called Heather (her understudy for one weekend more than a month ago) to see if she could go in for her for our second show of the night. She happened to be available and she came in and totally nailed it. I mean flat out nailed it. If you didn't know you would have never guessed that she had only 2 hours to prepare. She didn't do the show for over a month and we ran through some lines and songs between shows and then wham, bam, thank you ma'am she knocked it out of the park! I'm so impressed and in awe of her. BOOM!
-getting a text from Nick Aase! I miss that guy. I'll never forget the message he sent me after they told me I got in saying that I was now part of the family. Box changed my life. I owe box itself and all the people in it so much. They made me a better person and gave me a place to belong and feel safe amongst everything else that was new and frightening. I miss box.
-going out after the show for a little post show bonding.
-being present. I'm present that I'm still struggling. It comes and goes, which is better than it being constant, but it's still here.
-laughter. Thank goodness for laughter and the healing powers that it has.
-the basics
-as always, my friends.

Gratitude on the go! 10-4-13

Today I am grateful for:

-this quote:

"Its astounding how well things work when we stop resisting or insisting."

-a super quick and super fun second day of shooting. We were there for maybe an hour tops and we got to throw toilet paper and talk to a puppet. 

-being able to lean into joy a bit when talking to people on set about working with them and also my job at the workshop. I am so grateful that it brings me so much happiness. 

-listening to kids in my class share their stories today. Some were funny, some were moving, but they were all beautiful and vulnerable in some way. 

-another super quick and easy shoot at the workshop. 

-getting Yogurtlab with Caleb and Andy before rehearsal. 

-getting really solid feedback on my sketch today.
-the incredibly beautiful thunderstorm outside. The lightening is brightening up the sky more than the sun for quick flashes of time. The thunder is a deep rumble that you can feel travel throughout your body. The wind is whispering and the rain itself sounds like tap dancers flapping all around. It's really  quite beautiful. 

-being able to lie down (or more accurately relax on a couch) for a bit before the show tonight.
-being present. I'm present that a little while ago tonight I was struggling big time. There are a lot of factors that could have contributed to that. Maybe it's the fact that I've been pretty much going nonstop from 6am to 11pm today. With no time alone. (I am beginning to realize how essential that is for me.) It could also be that I'm running on only 5 hours of sleep. It could be that its almost that time of the month. It could be that I'm due to get Stuck. There are many factors for why I might be struggling, but the point is that I am. For about a solid 10 minutes after I got home I couldn't move. My thoughts were all over the place and they overwhelmed and overtook me. It was quite the sneak attack. They hit me like a ton of bricks and I got completely knocked on my butt. I hit the floor. The good news is you can't fall off the floor. Now it's the epic battle to get myself back up. And I am. I'm fighting back. I know these thoughts are lying to me. I know what they're saying to me is not true. I know I am worthy of love and belonging. I know it, I know it, I know it! But sometimes it's so hard to feel it. I'm upset. I'm upset because I was doing so well. I'm hoping that all I need is sleep. Actually, even just writing this down is helping to get some more of that stickiness off my chest. One step at a time. When I get overwhelmed it's so hard to remember that. Now that that thought is present in my mind though I feel a bit calmer. I'm okay. It's going to be okay. Breathe.
-remembering that I have support even if it's almost impossible to tap into it sometimes.
-EGBOK
-the basics
-as always, my friends. 

Gratitude on the go! 10-3-13

Today I am grateful for:
-this quote:
"Any plan is bad which is incapable of modification."
-A super fun day on set. Here are some pictures to prove how amazing it was:

Who's that you ask?
Why it's just a modest Miley Cyrus and a Sharknado.
You're welcome world. You're welcome. 

Boom. #adulting

-getting done a bit early from shooting and being able to go home before the show tonight and take a nap. A long, epic nap. Fell asleep at 4, woke up a little before 6. #adulting. 

-laughter.

-the healing power of therapy. 

-being present. I'm present that I had some difficult moments this evening. My mom came to my show tonight unexpectedly. I felt myself getting worked up. It sucks that it's still so hard. However, I knew I couldn't really process fully how I was feeling because I was still at work. But I acknowledged that it was hard and I could physically feel my chest feel heavy and my throat feel tight and my breathing getting shallow and rapid. I felt that, I leaned in to it a bit, and then I breathed it out. It didn't, "knock me on my butt" as my therapist would say. There is still work there to be done though. Still quite a bit of work. 

-the basics

-being in bed by 10:30pm

-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 10-2-13

Today I am grateful for:
-these quotes:
"Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared."

"It is in your moments of decision that your life is shaped. Develop your decision-making muscles."
-Teaching today at an awesome charter school. The class went around the room to introduce themselves and when they did they had to say their name, their grade, and something they were concerned about. How awesome is that? It made me think about what my concern would be right now. Lots of kids were concerned about racism, classism, homophobia, poverty, etc. I'm most certainly concerned about all of those things too. The one thing that I didn't hear was concern about accessibility to get help for mental illness. I think that's high on my concern list right now. They were so well spoken and asked amazing questions for 7th and 8th graders. I'm excited to get to work with them more.
-Meeting up with Christine for happy hour! It was so good to see her and catch up with her. I hope we do it again very soon. Considering it has been about 10 months since we saw each other last. Not acceptable.
-laughter
-My Every Day 2 class. They were such an awesome group of students and they really have grown by leaps and bounds. All of them come from such incredibly different places and yet they were all able to find a connection within this class. We did some self reflection about how they felt they met their goals and how the class has impact their day to day lives. It was so fascinating. Some people were able to take away the yes and attitude and apply it to situations in their everyday life, some discovered that this is something they would like to pursue via performance wise, and some realized that they were able to silence their inner critic and really actively stay in the moment. I'm so glad I was fortunate enough to be their teacher over the last 8/16 weeks. 

At The Green Mill for a little post last class celebration. 

-Emily having a safe flight back to mpls. I picked her up at the airport and we went straight to Chino. Duh.

-The basics

-lying in my bed after a long day. It feels so much more well deserved. 

-as always, my friends 

Gratitude on the go! 10-1-13

Today I am grateful for:
-this quote:
"Whatever the outcome may be, the important thing is to step forward on the path that you believe is right."
-My therapist. In general and as always. We chatted about my awesome weekend and how even though I struggled a wee bit at the very beginning, I wasn't, "knocked on my butt." Definite improvement. Then we switched topics and talked about boy stuff. She asked what I needed* from her in regards of beginning to wade in the dating pool. At the time I said I think I just need some support. Someone to sit besides me while I slowly dip my feet in. I do want that, but I also think in addition to that I need some reassurance and a bit of encouragement. This is a bit  really nerve wracking for me, as it is for pretty much everyone always, and I know predict that there are going to be some shame gremlins popping their heads up. So receiving support and reassurance that I am worthy I think will go a long way. I'm going to ask for that the next time I see her.
-all the people responding to my fb status about loving October and what their favorite scary movie is going to be. There are a lot of awesome suggestions. I gotta get 31 scary movies in this month. I did my first one tonight. The Possession. It was a netflix instant. It was not bad. I would give it a solid B.
-A surprise text from Jen asking if I'd like to go to lunch with her. I happen to have the time today and we totally met up and had lunch at Jasmine Deli! It was wonderful to see her and Oscar. She is such a light in this world. I'm so lucky and fortunate to have her as a friend in my life.
-Oscar's adorable coos and caws. He was so happy and rockin out hard to the Janelle Monae pandora station.
-the beautiful orange leaves on a particular tree on my block. The sun just hit them right and I couldn't help but smile. It was so beautiful.
-hanging out with Roomie this evening. We talked and walked down to the lake and back. The sunset was so beautiful. Then we went to Pizza Luce and talked some more and then went to get some vitamins at the Wedge and then got some ice cream. She's struggling a bit right now and I unfortunately know what's she's going through all too well. I also know that it will eventually pass and I hope she knows that too. My tendency is to try to fix things. However, this is not a fix it situation. All I can do is listen and hold space while these feelings run their course. I hope they blow by quickly.
-being present. I'm present right now that I'm content and calm. There are a lot of new things going on in my life that could be causing me anxiety. At this very moment in time, they are not. And I am so grateful for that. So I'm just trying to fully live in this moment. Take it one step at a time. Enjoy the quiet. Enjoy the peace. Breath. The tide is out and it is sweet.
-the basics
-laughter
-as always my friends.

*Being asked what I want/need is something I'm so grateful for in itself.