Gratitude on the go! 9-26-12

Today I am grateful for:
-Breaking Ice. Rehearsal was really good. Got a lot accomplished. Still feeling really challenged, but not as self conscious today.
-having lunch with Christine.
-laughing until I ache
-meeting up with Emily at her apt to film her new short series, Open Wide. She is one of the funniest people I know. Such dry humor. One of my favorite kinds of humor, if not my favorite. Here's the video:

-laughing until I ache
-feeling truly happy

-Enjoying the gorgeous weather outside right now. There is a stillness in the air. It is really tranquil. All I can hear are my own footsteps and the leaves crunching underneath my feet.

#fall

-Meeting up with Kevin for happy hour and ice cream to celebrate his new job. He offered to put me on to his new health insurance plan that he gets with his new job. That might be one of the nicest things anyone has ever offered me...maybe ever.
-laughing until I ache

Our celebratory fro yo. it's no 21 choices, but it does the job.

-being genuenly happy.
-the basics
-my friends
-taking a quick power nap. Aka- a disco nap. (probably regret this later, but for now I am grateful)
-having a really fun set with Hannah. We were two southern divorced women regaining our voices, strength, and finally being seen. We wrote letters and our ex's and burned them along with the whole house. It was very women empowering. We drank a lot of pretend Bourbon. It was pretty awesome.
-Christine delivering a late night batch of home baked muffins. So wonderful. Sooo tasty!

Yes. It does say Bones and Wrinkles on that post it.
Once you turn 100 years old, thats all you are.
Bones and Wrinkles.

-continually learning about vulnerability. I think one of the most profound things I heard about vulnerability is that yes, most of the time it can be excruciating, but it can also be exquisite. The more I continue down this path of self awareness and self acceptance, I realized this to be 100% true. I definitely have had moments of exquisite vulnerability, but the first one that popped into my mind was being a freshman in college and auditioning for Into The Woods. At my call back, I had to read with this guy I'd never met, Alex, and I wasn't able to really look at the script before hand. That has always made me nervous because of my inability to read on the fly sometimes. Especially in times of pressure. I remember messing up badly and instead of sulking away and being upset with myself I turned directly to the directors table and asked if I could read again. I was answered with silence. That was a moment of excruciating vulnerability.  I remember at that point looking at my scene partner Alex and just saying, "I'm starting again." The moment was so unnerving, but I did start again and it went great. Then came the day of waiting for the cast list to go up. It is one of those days that I'll never forget. We were all waiting hours. Literally hours. It finally went up. A couldn't see because I wasn't able to get up close to the list. A girl in front of me (who later I find out was actually Zarah) turned around and said, "Congratulations Taj." I finally was able to get closer to the list and there I saw my name next to Little Red. I remember throwing both my arms straight up into the air and yelling, "......Fuck YEAH!" I honestly could not believe it. I couldn't believe I got cast and that I just yelled, "fuck yeah!" at the top of my lungs. I was acting like a little kid, jumping up and down, hugging people I didn't know. My hands were shaking as I borrowed someone's phone, I believe Valerie's, to call my dad and tell him the news. I could have played it cool and hid my excitement. Something that I almost always do. But that was a huge moment for me. And I really allowed myself to have it. It was a moment exquisite vulnerability.