Gratitude on the go! 5-26-13

Today I am grateful for:
-Arrested Development
-being able to stay in bed until 3pm
-Spending the afternoon and evening with Ruth. We went and saw Fast And Furious 6. It was actually pretty good. Lots of action. Lots of buff men. Lots of ridiculous stunts. Lots of winning. Then we went to the Good Earth and had a really amazing meal. Then we went back to my place and watched Django Unchained. Man I freaking love that movie. No. I'm sorry. I fucking love that movie! It is just so incredibly awesome. It was Ruth's first time seeing it. She said she really liked it. Because really what's not to like. Then we actually caught up on life and that was really great. Today was a success. A completely lazy, awesome success.
-the basics
-being present.*
-ice cold water
-as always, my friends.

 *I'm present to the fact that I still don't really know how to open up to people about what I want/need. I hate to say it but I recognize that I'm a bit of a chameleon. Sometimes that's a good thing, some times that's a bad thing. If I'm in a shitty place but other people are not, I can usually adapt to my surroundings pretty quickly. I know a big part of that is because of work. You gotta leave your baggage at the door when it comes to my line work. Use it or loose it. It's harder to use a shitty attitude with comedy. In my opinion. I know a lot of people use that to their advantage. I also have to remember that my wants/needs are important too. I just don't know how to ask for them. The words don't come. I think that's because I unfortunately feel that my wants/needs are stupid and not worthy of attention. I feel that the few times that I've really opened up about what's going on with me, it feels like it's too much for people to handle. Or they're there with me in the moment, but then they don't want to have any more moments with me like that in the future. I'm too much of a debby downer. However, I'm not a fortune teller, so I don't actually know what they're thinking because I don't ask them. Because I don't know how. Again, back to having trouble expressing my wants/needs.
I also am present to the fact that when I think like this it usually means I'm in a slump. And by slump I mean depressed. Woof. It's hard for me to even write the word depressed, but that might be what this is. These thoughts I'm having I know are not true. I know that, but I don't know that. Depression lies. And I've always said I hate liars. But when I can't talk about how I'm actually feeling and what I want/need does that make me a liar? Do I hate myself? That is a hard question.
Oy. I'm still really upset about Jake. I can only hope that he's in a better place. I am grateful that I've always been a pretty hopeful/optimistic person. And I am very hopeful that things will get better. It will be okay.