Gratitude on the go! 11-29-13

Today I am grateful for:

-this quote:

"My Happiness depends on me, so you're off the hook"

-creating

-a friend canceling plans. Normally I would be upset by this, but I realized I was relieved to have a bit more time to settle in at home before work.

-a two for one deal at chipotle 

-watching funny videos with Andy

-full crowds at our shows tonight

-laughter

-being able to get comp tickets for some friends tonight. Actually they're Jaime's friends but they were in town for Thanksgiving and decided to come see the show!

Maddie and her sister!
They brought me flowers!
Super sweet ladies. I'm glad they could make it.

-some alone time between shows 

-Isaac saying he was going to miss me when he goes to Florida. He's 7 so I have no idea if he actually meant that, or if he was trying to make me jealous. I'm gonna go with the former and call it super adorable! 

-the basics

-hot showers

-as always, my friends 

Gratitude on the go! 11-28-13

Today I am grateful for:

-getting a iPad game from Andy. It was a really nice treat to wake up to.
-a safe flight home
-podcasts
-getting to thanksgiving dinner on time! We thought we were gonna be late, but we arrived just in time. It was a bit magical
-Thanksgiving. I love giving thanks to everyone around. It's why I have this gratitude journal. To make sure I'm able to really soak in and appreciate all that is wonderful around at all times. As I was sitting in the back corner of the dinner table surrounded by the hodgepodge of people eating a meal that was literally made by everyone, I couldn't help but smile and take in how lucky we all are to have one another. Yes, they were all yelling and drunk and laughing way too loud and saying inappropriate things. Yes, those are the things that usually make me want to curl up or sit in the bathroom by myself for awhile to recover. However, I'm used to those people being wild and out there. I know that going in. And yes, they're not actually my blood relatives in any way shape or form. But I honestly wouldn't have it any other way. They never try to push me out of my comfort zone or ask too many inappropriate questions. That alone is something to be grateful for. I feel lucky to be a part of this giant assortment of people.
-being fortunate enough to have such an incredible homemade meal.
-pie
-seeing a late movie with Emily. Delivery Man. It was soo bad. So bad that it was hilarious
-laughter
-again, getting the opportunity to go to Palm Springs for those few days. I unfortunately had some anxiety, but it was pretty brief. I so enjoyed my time basking in the sun, watching hours of mindless netflix, doing some art journaling, and eating delicious food. It was such a needed get away. I'm very grateful my dad suggested we take that trip. It was just the reboot I needed to continue forward for this holiday season.
-the basics
-as always, my friends. 

Gratitude on the go! 11-27-13

Today I am grateful for: 

-hilarious text exchanges with kdog

-netflix. Seriously. So amazing. 

-the Internet in general. 

-the beautiful clear blue sky 

-art journaling and the comfort that it brings. 

-the quiet grounds where our hotel is located. 

-being able to have the few days off for this trip. 

-getting a massage. It was my first one at an actual spa. It was pretty self indulgent, which I struggled with at first, but once I physically got the massage it was incredible. 

-my "male provider" aka my massage therapist. That's what they called him though before I went in. It made me chuckle. He was super awesome and attentive and continually checked in with me to see how I was doing. 

-being able to just enjoy some tea and sit in the spa. 

-being able to see my cousin Sara and finally meet her husband topher and their daughter miriam. 

-laughter

-the basics

-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 11-26-13

Today I am grateful for:

-the warmth of the sun. 

-podcasts

-journaling

-creating 

-a sense of calm

-seeing movies with padre. Saw Prisoners. Finally. I really liked it! 

-cheap movie theaters. Seriously they're so great. They usually have so much character to them. 

-laughter

-the basics

-as always, my friends 

Gratitude on the go! 11-25-13

Today I am grateful for:
-these quotes:
"To be independent of public opinion is the first formal condition of achieving anything great."
"There is no point in fighting the storm or willing it to pass sooner. The storm takes the time it takes."
-a safe flight. I slept the whole way. Granted I took a Dramamine before we took off, but still. It made the flight super enjoyable.
-warm weather!
-sunshine
-chatting with Kat for a long time.
-being able to take a crazy long nap. I mean, I think I slept 2 1/2 hours. That's nuts!! I guess my body needed it.
-the bravery of others reaching out. I'm so grateful that they trust me enough to talk to me about what's going on.
-sushi
-laughter
-the basics
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 11-24-13

Today I am grateful for:
-these quotes:
"Every small, positive change we make in ourselves repays us in confidence in the future."

"When we are committed to honesty, we help reduce the level of misunderstanding, doubt, and fear throughout society."
-sleeping in
-going to lunch with some people I didn't really know very well. I was nervous, but it wasn't too bad at all. We went to Gandhi Mahal, which was a bonus. It was so good!
-my downstairs neighbor being really chill
-being able to go to a movie with some friends tonight. Saw the Hunger Games. Again. :) Worth it!
-laughter
-the basics
-tea
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 11-23-13

Today I am grateful for:
-waking up to no alarm
-the Ellen Show. It seriously never ceases to make me happy
-two solid shows
-other people's happiness
-ordinary moments
-a stupid game with Lauren that makes me laugh really hard. Basically you ask a question you already know the answer to, and the other person says the opposite of how they actually feel about it. For example: "Taj, do you like comedy?" "YUCAHK. NO. It's the worst! I mean what's the point!" I like it because 1) It's so silly and 2) You actually find out a lot about how well you know the other person. :)
-laughter
-hanging out with Tom and Anna. We were gonna watch Downton Abby, but we spent too much time talking. It was actually super nice. It's great to just have an old fashion conversation.
-hot showers
-the basics
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 11-22-13

Today I am grateful for:
-these quotes:
"Whenever you step out of the noise of thinking, that is meditation, and a different state of consciousness arises."
"The journey is the reward."
-dreaming*
-a fun retreat with YF.
-working with Todd and Eric on the YF retreat They were really fun and easy going today. They let me try new things which was really cool.
-free pizza for lunch!
-knowing caffeine is not a thing for me and that every time I have it I feel crazy and out of control. I don't like it. It won't be happening again any time soon.
-the show starting at 7pm tonight and having a short improv set.
-being able to see Catching Fire with Amanda, Katie, and Andy. It was suuper fun. The movie was really good. SO much better than the first one.
-laughter
-the basics
-as always, my friends

*I had an incredibly vivid dream last night. I was in the airport at night and it was super dark. I was looking for my luggage because I was about to take a plane ride to Brazil for a vacation. When in the plane flying over head I remember just seeing vast amounts of greenery. Everything was so vividly green. Like a brilliant dark foresty green. It was beautiful. When I got to Brazil though I was sad because I didn't bring my ipad and I couldn't really communicate with anyone or watch movies. Although my aunt Pat was in the airport in Brazil and said I could stay with her. Then a jump cut to me being on boat overlooking Brazil. Another jump cut to me riding in front of someone water skiing but no one was pulling us. They were sort of weedy waters with seals all around. I then remember trying to file some paper work so I could teach there and I needed to get it done asap because I had a class in 30 minutes. Although I had no means for transportation. Then I woke up. It was NUTS.

Gratitude on the go! 11-21-13

Today I am grateful for:
-A really great showcase with the kids from the History Theatre. They really pulled it together and were able to showcase their writing. It was great to watch
-a quick fun shoot at the workshop
-Andy and I playing dress up in our corporate clothes to go get coffee. :)
-Generating a lot of great ideas for videos at the workshop in our weekly meeting.
-a good show and fun improv
-Katie being at the workshop to give us notes.
-the basics
-laughter
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 11-20-13

Today I am grateful for:
-South Side really listening and working hard in class today.
-getting a massage by Ellie. It was really, really great. She was super specific to the areas that I requested and gave me extra time and a discount. I was pretty blissed out. I'm definitely recommending her to all my friends.
-trader joes
-being able to go to Literary Death Match. I had no idea what to expect, which was kind of nice. I really enjoyed the slam poetry. There were two slam poets. They both talked about things I could really relate to. It was inspiring. It made me not want to be afraid to share my story. I just need to work on what exactly my story is about.
-going on a third date.
-being present. I'm present to the fact that dating is difficult. It's also great! I still believe that all dating is good dating even when it's not. There are areas in my life that are easier than others. This is not one of the easy ones. So when I struggle in the harder areas I feel like I'm a failure. I know I'm not. I know I'm not. And I've always liked a good challenge. I just wish that sometimes I could get a cheat sheet, too.
-EGBOK
-breathing
-critical awareness. I'm gonna bounce back. Sleep will help.
-laughter
-the basics
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 11-19-13

Today I am grateful for:
-sleeping solidly through the night
-my therapist. I was able to talk about some bigger picture issues today without getting overwhelmed. I definitely felt those anxiety/panic moments, but my therapist kept stopping me and making me check in with my body and helped me to relax and calm down. I never felt out of control. She would also make me rephrase things I would say in a negatively about myself and make it positive.
-the realization that self-kindness/self-compassion is actually really helpful even when it feels silly at times.
-driving around the lakes and taking in the view. It's a perfect way to decompress if I can help it.
-CAP. Closing night. Both the shows went really well. I had such a good time. The kids were great, the plays were great, the music was great. It was just all around great. It's so wonderful to see how much joy this project brings to so many people.
-Pillsbury House Theater. They have such a great message and I love how much of a family they are and how well they work with artists.
-chatting about movies. Particularly favorite movies. I shared that my favorite movie is Death Becomes Her. I usually don't share that with just anyone for fear of what they'll say or how they'll react. However, I didn't have that feeling this time. Actually, now that I'm really thinking about it, I did, but I decided to share it anyway. Because I thought if that's the information that tips you over the edge about who I am and what I'm about, then we definitely shouldn't be friends.
-getting some texts that made me really smile. :)
-laughter
-the basics
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 11-18-13

Today I am grateful for:
-youth frontiers. It's such a great organization and I feel very honored to work with them.
-being able to meet up with Jen for a bit. Always a treat. Plus ice cream!
-having a slow afternoon.
-the beautiful harvest moon. I couldn't help but smile
-CAP. We had our first performance tonight. It went really well. Great crowd, fun show, and the kids seemed to really love it. I'm so grateful to be a part of it.
-hugs. In the right mood with the right people, I love hugs.
-late night car rides with padre.
-the basics
-laughter
-spicy food
-hot showers
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 11-17-13

Today I am grateful for:
-brunch with kdog. It was weird at the start, but we found our stride. I think we were both just tired. We found out a lot about each other. First we started by sharing things we knew about the other person that was not common knowledge. Then we started sharing things that we for sure didn't know about each other before. It was actually when we really started to feel most comfortable with each other.
-Teaching. The kids did well today and I think they're learning more and more each week
-being present. I was late to a tech call for CAP today and I really had to take a second and calm down. I was pissed and worried. I don't think in that order though. It didn't take long to re-center myself after I got there, but in the car ride over I was a bit all over the place. I felt it for sure in my chest. My breathing picked up and I was clenching the wheel very tight. I'm grateful though that I was able to recognize the signs of anxiety. I was thinking about going to a party after tech, but honestly because of how I was feeling I decided for a night in. I think it was a wise choice.
-laughter. Specifically the Ellen Show. Not all the time, but sometimes that show just hits me in the right way and I cannot help but just laugh and laugh. Out loud and by myself! You know something's funny when you're loling by yourself.
-crafting
-the basics
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 11-16-13

Today I am grateful for:
-being able to sleep in
-having a crafternoon. I didn't have work until 4pm so I spent the day at home catching up on old episodes of The Ellen Show and did some crafts. It was wonderful. Super calming.
-candles
-having two really solid shows tonight. The five o'clock show was a bit quiet, but not in a bad way. They were just really listening and enjoying what they were watching quietly. The eight o'clock show was stellar. I told the cast this after the show, but I feel that the 8pm show was a really great indication of how people actually like the show. It was wonderful.
-improv
-feeling confident in my improv tonight
-having a lot of energy. I'm not exactly sure what the deal is, but it's all good. A part of me thinks it's the vitamin b I'm taking, but I've been taking it for a month now and it hasn't always been like this. Maybe it takes awhile to kick in?
-being invited over to Anna and Tom's to watch Downton Abby. I forgot how much I loved that show. It was also great to catch up with them a bit one on one. It's sometimes my best form of communication.
-being present. I'm aware that I feel a slight unease right now. Things have been going really well, and I think I'm just tired because it's 3am, but I'm just acknowledging it. I think I'm a bit sad(?) because I wasn't invited out to a thing tonight and because I got less on a VO check than the time before for the same company. I guess I just feel like I messed up in someway. However, I'm leaning into that. I'm aware that feeling like I'm doing less than my best is a trigger to feeling down on myself, so I'm trying out some self compassion. Breathing through it. One minute at a time. I think a good night sleep is going to do wonders.
-laughter
-the basics
-the bright clear starry sky tonight.
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 11-15-13

Today I am grateful for:

-this quote: 

"Practice being gentle, respectful and loving toward the life force in all living things."

-having a relatively easy class today. 

-opening night at the workshop! It was super fun. The audience was a bit weird, but it was still a blast.
-Amanda creating this:

My dad had to miss the opening of my show tonight.
So Amanda made a cut out of him and put it on a branch.
It was hilarious. 

Here he is again with all my friends!
He's so excited to see the show.

"I'm a vegetarian!"
"Radical Hospitality!"
"Sports!"

-hanging out with Roomie after the show. She is just killin it right now and I couldn't be more excited for her. 

-being able to hang out at a bar with people and not feel awkward or anxious. We closed the place down! What?! Who am I? It was crazy, but also really fun.

-Andy saying some kind words to me. Granted he was really drunk, but I appreciate what he said anyway.
-Drunk complements in general. Being drunk is like truth serum, right? 

-laughter. Man. So much laughter. I fucking love laughter!
-swearing

-being present. I'm present that I'm still in a really good place. On stage tonight singing the 12 days of Christmas I once again had the thought that couldn't believe that this is my job. I grew up watching 12 days. Now I'm a part of it?! That's nuts. And having my friends come out to support me and cheer me on and hang out is just so freakin wonderful. I'm so insanely grateful. I'm softening into that joy hard. I deserve it. Life is too short to not enjoy these simple pleasures.
-the basics
-as always, my friends 

Gratitude on the go! 11-14-13

Today I am grateful for:
-being able to sleep in
-Seeing a matinee with Amanda. Enders Game. I enjoyed it. It wasn't as good as the book, duh, but it was still pretty entertaining. We then got tacos afterward. Amazeballs.
-Amanda helping me with my lines. Seriously, so grateful.
-going to the improvathon for a bit and not feeling too awkward or anxious
-a random cat wondering into HUGE. Super cute and cuddly. :)
-laughter
-the basics
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 11-13-13

Today I am grateful for:
-seeing people I care about
-smiles
-being able to be self-compassionate these days.
-laughter
-seeing some improv
-watching American Horror Story with Hannah and Josh. So good!
-being present. I've been feeling pretty content these days. It's a wonderful feeling to have. I still have some stress in my life right now, but in my "white space" I don't really feel anxious or overwhelmed. It's a really lovely feeling.
-the basics
-the stars being magnificently bright tonight. They were so beautiful.
-email
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 11-12-13

Today I am grateful for:
-this quote:
"Mind is like water, when agitated it becomes difficult to see but if allowed to settle, the answer becomes clear."
-my therapist. We honestly didn't have a ton to talk about today, which was surprisingly a nice change. I told her how each day I've been feeling like myself, especially since October has passed and how happy that makes me. I'm leaning into that. We did some more exercises with boundaries again. I recognized today that the things we've been doing recently I would not have been able to do even a year ago are. It makes me feel lighter to know that I have made progress even if sometimes it doesn't feel like it.
-lunch with Padre
-having a lazy afternoon. I just drove around and listened to music and took in the sites of my beautiful city. The sun was making the lakes dance with light and it was really gorgeous. I couldn't help but smile.
-music
-the basics
-ice cream. I can't help it. I effing love ice cream. I must be back in a good place because it's something that I want again. Because yeah, when I'm feeling Stuck, even ice cream doesn't do it for me. Bad news bears.
-creating
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 11-11-13

Today I am grateful for:

-this quote:

"Life brings simple pleasures to us every day. It is up to us to make them wonderful memories."
-meeting up with Jen for brunch. Amazing. As always.
-having a quick skype date with Bffl. It was too short, but it was nice to chat even for just a minute.
-AAA. Seriously, AAA is the best.
-laughter
-CAP. So silly
-being beventurous. Andy always gets the most intense drinks. Today I decided to try one as well. I had  a Milo energy drink. Milo! My old childhood pal! It was kind of awesome I'm not gonna lie.
-being able to take a really quick nap. I could have slept longer, but I guess my body only needed a little bit.
-waking up to a pretty great text. :)
-group. After two weeks off, it was so nice to be back. We have one new member, who seems very nice at this point and I'm curious to see how she feels in the group as we continue. It was just so nice to see all the ladies again and hear how everyone is doing. People are making some great progress. It's so wonderful.
-free laundry
-being invited to a movie. Dallas Buyers Club. It was good. It tried to pack a lot into 2 hours but I think it did a good job.
-the basics
-smiles
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 11-10-13

Today I am grateful:
-sleeping in. Sleeping in hard. I surprised myself.
-brunch with Kdog. We ended up at Amanda's place and got a special table because there was a 45 minute wait. It was great.
-teaching. My students today did really great with the new form we worked on. I'm excited to see how they continue to grow
-being able to grab a tea with Hannah after teaching. I'm also grateful that she was super chill when I got the shakes. She also convinced me to text the guy I went out with a couple of times again. Just to see. If he responds, great! If not, at least I was up front and said what my intentions are. :)
-getting tickets to see Ira Glass with Roomie. It was a super fun show. We were sitting in the back, and they weren't bad seats at all, but right before the show started an usher came up to us and asked if we wanted to sit closer. We were both like, duh! We ended up in the 5th row! It was nuts. The two dancers in the show were phenomenal, and it was great to see their facial expressions since we were so close! Not to mention Ira up close and personal, too. Yeah, it was pretty great, despite the fact that they asked me to come up on stage and slow dance like in middle school with a complete stranger. Yeah...that was...notmyfavorite. However I did it! It was exactly like it was in middle school. Super awkward. They guy I was paired with was waay too into it. He was also like 6'3 and kept squatting down to dance with me to be, "funny". Here's an exchange we had:
Me: "So what's your name?"
Guy: "How old are you?"
Me: "Um...27."
Guy: "I'm 47. Can I touch your back?"
Me: "No."
Guy: "I like to dance with my wife."
Me: "Cool. please stop squatting."
Guy. "Look! Bubbles! My name's Mike."
Thanks for the memories, Mike. Glad you were so excited about that whole thing. Haha they actually turned the whole stage into a middle school dance set up. It was cute.
-laughter
-the basics
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 11-9-13

Today I am grateful for:
-being able to have a slow morning.
-a long dinner break. Andy and I cruised the sky way and I ran into Jeffery! Blast from the past. We then got frozen yogurt and went to target to play with iphones. #nerds. We then had time to go back to the workshop and have another hour to ourselves, which I really appreciated. A nice reboot.
-a good preview crowd. We were able to get some accurate reads on things.
-laughter
-hanging out with people after the show.
-being able to give myself some self compassion
-the basics
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 11-8-13

Today I am grateful for:
-getting a solid night of sleep
-a productive rehearsal
-my job. Seriously. I effing love my job and I'm gonna lean into that joy. I mean, we as a cast sat around for about...oh I would say at least 5 minutes listening to fart sound effects trying to determine which would be the best one to use. This. Is. My. Job. BOOM!
-Laughter. Especially from listening to different fart sound effects. Seriously. I could not stop laughing! It was so funny! Again, I love my job!
-my co-workers. They're pretty great.
-getting some sweet texts from Roomie and Bffl.
-being an adult. Sometimes it's just fun and silly. For example, tonight for dinner, I just had two different soups. By choice. BECAUSE I'M A MOTHER FUCKIN ADULT, BITCHES! Two Soup Taj! Woop woop!
-Swearing
-feeling happy. Leaning into that.
-hanging out with some of the guys after the show
-Laughter. Seriously it's the greatest of all time.
-the basics
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 11-7-13

Today I am grateful for:
-being able to wake up slowly. I had some stress dreams last night so it was nice to process them and acknowledge that they were just dreams. I actually woke up feeling pretty calm once I realized I was just dreaming.
-how I felt after getting my hair cut. I always feel lighter. Maybe because my hair isn't weighing me down anymore. It feels like a nice breath of fresh air. I got a lot cut off and I'm very pleased with the results.
-laughter
-completing our first preview. It was a bit rocky, but we did it and I'm ready and excited to do it again.
-being able to see Hear No Evil at the Horror Fest. It was super great. It really tapped at all of your senses, which I loved.
-the basics
-hot showers
-again, still feeling like myself.
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 11-6-13

Today I am grateful for:
-this quote:
"Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves."
-snacks during tech
-laughter
-the weather still being warm enough to melt last night's snow fall. I'm still not quite ready for that.
-getting a bit of down time and alone time for my dinner break in an otherwise packed day.
-late night car rides with Padre. We talked about our favorite pizza places to go in the cities. It was so silly. We basically talked about that the whole time.
-the basics
-still feeling like myself.
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 11-5-13

Today I am grateful for:
-my therapist. We did some great boundary stuff again. Micromovement as she calls it. I'm learning. Slow and steady.
-a very productive tech day. It was hard work, but really enjoyable. And even though it was a really long day, we all were in relatively good spirits and got along great.
-laughter
-feeling more like myself today. Minute by minute
-my e-course. It's proving to be very rewarding. Extremely challenging, but also rewarding.
-compassion
-watching a scary movie with Jaime
-the basics
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 11-4-13

Today I am grateful for:
-hanging out with Oscar. He's pretty darn cute.
-a productive tech rehearsal
-feeling more like myself today in awhile
-laughter
-the basics
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 11-3-13

Today I am grateful for:
-an extra hour of sleep.
-brunch with Kdog. Hilarity ensued per usual.
-the weather being super beautiful and warmish
-hanging out with Amanda and Brittany. We got tacos (duh) and then we went back to Amanda's where they helped me with my lines. Super grateful for that! We also had some super lively discussions about snl casting, politics, and women's rights. It was pretty great. Then Ruth joined us and we watched  some funny videos as rewards for learning our lines. We win! Successful night.
-laughter
-the basics
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 11-2-13

Today I am grateful for:
-having brunch with Roomie. Always such a treat to see her.
-closing night. It was a really great run but it was also wonderful to put this one to bed. It was just the right amount of time. I'm excited to be working on something new!
-hanging out with the guys after the show. I sometimes really enjoy just going out and listening.
-laughter
-getting some lovely texts
-the basics
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 11-1-13

Today I am grateful for:
-this quote:
"We can never obtain peace in the world if we neglect the inner world and don't make peace with ourselves."
-being able to stay in bed until the afternoon. I needed it.
-the amazing weather today. I mean truly gorgeous.
-The sun. Such a beautiful and amazing star the sun is.
-Vitamin D. Specifically from the sun but also in pill form
-getting a surprise check. Couldn't have had better timing.
-the support of my landlord.
-compassion.
-music
-light
-smiles
-the basics
-laughter
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 10-31-13

Today I am grateful for:
-having lunch with Jen! I brought some Pho over to her place and we were able to catch up.
-Homemade chocolate chip cookies. Seriously. They were amazing.
-the beautiful fall leaves on the trees. They're very vibrant right now
-a fun crowd for the show.
-halloween. I didn't really do anything, but I sure do love this holiday. It might be my favorite?
-kind words of support
-laughter
-the basics
-as always, my friends