Today I am grateful for:
-This quote:
"The future is completely open, and we are writing it moment to moment."
-having brunch with Kevin. It was a bit different than our usual hang outs. We messed around and talked to imaginary people like we usually do, but we got to a real level too. I like it when that happens. I like being able to do both. We talked about middle school and high school. He talked about his time with Jenny and I with Raj. I told him that Raj was the first person to ever like me in more than a platonic matter and I didn't know how to handle it at first. He responded by saying he was the first person to ever declare those feelings to me. I can't help but wonder what he meant by that. I mean, I know what he said, but is there more behind it? Am I reading too much into it? Most probably.
-being present. I'm present to the fact that I don't see myself as someone who could be in a relationship. I just think that no one considers me in a romantic way. I'm trying to get out of that mindset, but its hard. I don't want to think that. I wish I had the confidence to just be like, "fuck yeah I'm a catch! Some day some guy is going to be so lucky to have me." I hope to one day get there. I really do. Even just thinking about it makes my throat tighten with anxiety and sadness. Baby steps
-OMG. We had a show for TCIF tonight and it was rockin. We had four ladies from out of town and three from here. They killed it. It was so much fun to watch. After it was over one of the women from out of town said that she now feels better about her diary. She thought she was the only one who had those weird feelings. That's why I love that show. It allows us all to see that we're alike and can connect on a weird visceral level.
-Pride weekend. This year is probably out of control. I cannot even imagine.
-Closing night of Lance. It was a really fun show. Four months and I never got sick of it. I think that's a sign of a solid show. Also a great cast. And crew. And FOH. All the things. Man we had fun. :)
-Katy telling me about a workshop that she took at TCIF. She was so over the moon in love with it that it made me so excited and happy for her. I love it when teachers/classes have such a profound impact on you. It is one of my favorite things. I'm so glad she was able to take that class.
-laughter
-the basics
-my back door being unlocked. Normally I would be really upset about this, but I "lost" my keys some point last night and I would have been locked out of my house if the back door was locked. Thank you, Josh!
-as always, my friends.
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