Gratitude on the go! 3-26-14

Today I am grateful for:
-this quote:
"To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart."
-my amazing friends. I have so much incredible support in my life. I am beyond grateful for them. They talk me down, they listen well, they laugh a lot, they make me laugh, and I know they'll be there forever. This is what I'm grateful for today. I love my friends so much I honestly don't know how to express that love in words. I just love them. I would do anything for them.
-laughter. Thank goodness for laughter. Another thing I love more than words.
-a good cry. Contradictory to my last sentence but it's true. Sometimes it's necessary
-the basics
-a good night sleep.

Gratitude on the go! 3-25-14

Today I am grateful for:
-my therapist. It was so nice to be able to talk things out with her. So much has been going on the last couple weeks. I really needed to process stuff with her. I also asked to see her next week. I know we're suppose to be going every other week now, but I think I really need it. I'm grateful that I was able to ask for it.
-having dinner with padre
-having one of the best group text exchanges in FAIRE-ever!
-laughter
-Amy calming me down. Reminding me how I'm feeling is normal.
-the basics
-as always, my friends.

Gratitude on the go! 3-24-14

Today I am grateful for:
-Maisie being really easy today. Lots of naps and smiles. :)
-the snow this morning coming and going. It was very pretty though
-group. I talked a bit about this last week. All the new exciting things happening. The other ladies were very supportive. I'm for sure in a different place than them, which is fine.
-egg drop soup. Seriously. I love it a lot.
-watching walking dead with the roomie
-the daily prompt*
-laughter
-the basics
-as always, my friends.

*Day 24: On The Road

I'm on the road less traveled. For me.
I'm on the road of new exciting surroundings
I'm on the road of discovering new things
I'm on the road.
I've always loved driving.

Gratitude on the go! 3-23-14

Today I am grateful for:

-having a relaxing morning 

-back rubs :)

-co-teaching 

-the Y

-hanging out with josh and hannah. 

-laughter

-the basics

-as always, my friends 

Gratitude on the go! 3-22-14

Today I am grateful for:
-this quote:
"If you don't relate honestly and compassionately to your own suffering, you cannot relate (in this way) to anyone else's."
-a phone chat with Amy. It was great to catch up with her and hear about her life.
-two sold out crowds
-the game "bad rap"
-real talks
-late night shenanigans
-laughter
-the basics
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 3-21-14

Today I am grateful for:
-these quotes:
"The significance is hiding in the insignificant. Appreciate everything."

"Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway."
-being okay with the fact that I didn't write for the last couple of days. I've been experiencing new and exciting things as of late and decided to take a break from writing here and just really live the moments. I've been writing in my actual journal which has been a nice change. Things are good though. A bit confusing, a bit scary, but a lot of fun. :)
-intertwined fingers
-stolen kisses
-long embraces
-laughter
-the basics
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 3-18-14

Today I am grateful for:
-this quote:
"Don't push past where you're at."
-the thrill of scary films done well.
-being flirted with. Who knows where it will lead, but in this moment in time it feels pretty great. :)
-going to see a concert. Was really there to see the headliners Pearl and the Beard, who were great. However, the other groups that were performing were super great too! It was a wonderful evening. I'm glad Lauren was my partner in crime tonight.
-not getting a ticket when I got pulled over tonight. Apparently I ran a red light but I honest to goodness had no idea. I swore it turned green. Thank you nice cop for just letting me off with a warning!
-laughter
-Oscar turning the big one year old today. I cannot believe it. I cannot believe it's been a year since I saw his sweet little face and all that hair on his head. I guess in that regards some things haven't changed! He's just the sweetest little guy and I'm so excited to continue to watch him grow and become even more of a little man.

Happy birthday, Oscar!
Keep rockin out, dude. 

-the basics

-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 3-17-14

Today I am grateful for:
-the sun being out longer
-the woman after group trying to be kind to me. I think she could tell that I was struggling
-the Y
-Podcasts
-being able to watch tv shows on your phone
-late night car drives with padre
-the daily prompt*
-laughter
-the basics
-as always, my friends

*Day 17: The Stars Make No Noise

Or do they?

Gratitude on the go! 3-16-14

Today I am grateful for:
-this quote:
"Sometimes the best helping hand you can get is a good, firm push. "
-being able to see a show at Mixed Blood. It's been way too long.
-all the really great theater people that were at the show too that I rarely see anymore.
-Hannah and Josh coming over to watch some tv.
-laughter
-the basics
-the daily prompt*
-as always, my friends

*Day 16: Full Moon

I don't remember how old I was, but one summer night my dad and I were going to see a drive in movie. It was a clear night sky and the stars were out. All of a sudden my dad tells me to look out my window and when I did there was the biggest full moon I had ever seen. It honest to goodness took up half the sky. It was low to the ground. Almost eye level. It looked like a gigantic clock with no hands or numbers on it suspended in the air. It actually almost looked like a sunset it was so big and bright. I wish I was better with words to be able to describe the wonder and awe that both my dad and I were in when we saw it. We still talk about it to this day because we've never seen anything like it before or after that.

Gratitude on the go! 3-15-14

Today I am grateful for:
-brunch with Kdog.
-two sold out shows.
-how my mind clears out when I'm on stage
-a fun improv set
-OMG. All the ladies did really well.
-laughter
-the daily prompt*
-the basics
-as always, my friends

*Day 15: A Sign

The summer before I left for college I remember having all the feelings. I was terrified of leaving, I was excited for leaving, and I was in love for the first time. A lot of conflicting feelings all around. I remember going up north with my dad for a long weekend and having a lot of time on my hands to kill. This is when I would spend most of my time thinking about my upcoming uncertain future and would freak myself out with all the incredibly outrageous worst case scenarios that could happen to me when I went to college.

I never shared how I was feeling with anyone because I was convinced no one would be able to say anything that would help anyway. Not to mention I didn't want to seem weak. I know now that is silly, but at the time it only added to my freaking out.

Anyway, one day up north though my dad and I were taking a walk. I remember having a really intense internal freak out. I kind of was at my wits end when I remembered I had rented a movie from blockbuster (#dated)  a few weeks prior. I don't remember what the movie was called, but in it there was this part that talked about asking for a sign from the universe. Now, I'm not a religious person and at the time I wasn't all that spiritual either. When I watched that scene in that movie I was intrigued, but didn't really buy into it. However, in that moment in time on that walk, I thought to myself that asking for a sign was the only thing I could possibly do to calm myself down.

So quietly under my breath, I whispered, "Alright universe. If I'm going to be alright at college please show me a sign. Show me a sign of something round with the color of either blue or red. If I see something round that's either blue or red I'll know I'll be okay. Um...Thank you."

And you know what happened? Nothing. We were out on a walk for about another hour and I saw no signs of something round that was red or blue. I obviously took that as a sign that all the terrible things I thought were gonna happen would indeed happen. My internal freak out continued.

Hours later my dad and I decided to go play mini golf. It's kind of our thing. I wasn't freaking out as much as I was anymore but was still bummed that the universe didn't help me out. We were at the counter getting our putters and golf balls and guess what colors our round golf balls were? One was red, and one was blue. This may seem a little far fetched and probably just a random coincidence, but at that moment in time I remember feeling a tremendous weight lift off my chest. That was the sign I had asked for. Everything was gonna be okay.

And guess what? It totally was.

Gratitude on the go! 3-14-14

Today I am grateful for:
-waking up naturally
-Bead helping me make a pie. It is Pi(e) day after all. The crust looks TERRIBLE, but I believe it'll still taste good.
-having a really fun improv set.
-laughter
-Natalie coming to see the show.
-the daily prompt*
-being present. I'm present to how easily something(s) can trigger me still. I don't think that'll ever go away, but I believe I'm able to figure out what's happening quicker and recover faster. Or at least identify what's going on, acknowledge it and then process it later in a safer space.
-the basics
-as always, my friends

*Day 14: Shimmer

My dad and I drive around the lakes a lot. It's a thing we do to kind of decompress and catch up on life. We both struggle to talk about our feelings and whatnot and being in the car is a great space to do that. We do it year round but my favorite time to do these drives are in the summer. I absolutely love it. There's nothing like driving around the beautiful lakes at night with the Minneapolis skyline in the background and the moon's shimmering reflection off the water. It's almost that time of year again. I can't wait.

Gratitude on the go! 3-13-14

Today I am grateful for:
-this quote:
"Love your enemy, it will scare the hell out of them."
-it being 48 degrees out. Spring is so close I can taste it!
-having a particularly fun improv set.
-laughter
-reading in bed
-the daily prompt*

*Day 13 5pm

At 5pm just a few weeks ago it was dark outside. The windchill was -36 and everyone in MN was writing on facebook that this was the winter that broke them.

Tonight at 5pm the sun was still out, it was 48 degree, and everything was melting. People were in shorts and shirts running around the lakes. Everyone I passed had a huge smile on their faces. It's like everyone forgot that it was so awful just a few short weeks ago.

Living in MN is a lot like giving birth. The pain is so unbearable and you think you'll never make it through, then all of sudden you have this kind of gross sticky bundle of joy that will get dried off placed in your arms. And you couldn't be more happy about.

Or something like that. :)

Gratitude on the go! 3-12-14

Today I am grateful for:
-Justin asking if I ever wanted to hang out with them outside of watching Maisie. I thought that was really nice. It definitely brought a smile to my face. :)
-a chillaxin day.
-sweet texts and emails from friends
-tacos
-laughter
-just having a non eventful day. Sometimes that's the best kind of day
-feeling fully like myself again
-hulu+
-the daily prompt*
-the basics
-as always, my friends

*Day 12 Write A Letter

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Gratitude on the go! 3-11-14

Today I am grateful for:
-My therapist. I've officially made the change to see my therapist less. It was a hard decision. It scares me for sure, but she was super supportive and said that if I need to come back at any point even if there's not a crisis I 100% can. That was probably the best thing she could say. I needed that reassurance. She also made a great point of saying that I should fill the time that I would normally be going in to see her with something else that would make me feel good. I'm hoping to find a good drop in yoga class. :)
-having lunch with Jen Scott. Always so good to see her. She's leaving for France soon so it'll be awhile before I see her again. I hope she has a good time!
-Roomie texting me out of the blue to see if I wanted to go see a show at the Guthrie. I didn't have any other plans so I said yes. It was a really nice time. We got thai food* and then literally sat down and the show began. Other than it being an extremely long show, it was pretty darn good. The acting was top notch for sure.
-coming home at the same time Amanda did. We were both tired but had enough energy to watch Walking Dead. So good.
-the daily prompt**
-laughter
-the basics
-as always, my friends

*I got something new. Green Curry Fried Rice. It was everything I wanted and more. Well...it didn't have peas. But my left overs will. :)

** Day 11 Underneath

Underneath the covers, there is safety
Underneath the snow, there is beauty
Underneath the mask, there is curiosity
Underneath the surface, there is discovery
Underneath the pain, there is hope

Gratitude on the go! 3-10-14

Today I am grateful for:
-the weather!! 48 degrees! AH! IT WAS MAGICAL! It's happening! Spring is coming!
-podcasts
-group. It was much better this week. Rule of two. :)
-laughter
-this beautiful blog post inspired by today's daily prompt*
-the basics
-as always, my friends

*Day 10: In the Mirror

Seriously read that blog post I posted a link to above. She's one of my favorite bloggers and really hits a nail on the head with this prompt.

As for me, today's prompt reminds me of when I was really little. I was super into Michael Jackson's music. And Olivia Newton John's but that's neither here nor there. My favorite song of his was Man in the Mirror. Only I couldn't say mirror. I would sing at the top of my lungs, "I'M LOOKIN AT THE MAN IN THE MILLA!"

I was also super into fun houses when I was little. The ones with like a hundred mirrors and you had to try to find your way out. It was before I realized rides were where the fun was really at.

Also I hate moving mirrors. I'm not particularly superstitious or anything, but I really am quite scared of breaking a mirror if I have to move it someplace.

Oh and lastly this.

Gratitude on the go! 3-9-14

Today I am grateful for:
-Day Light Savings! I know we lose an hour of sleep, but we gain an hour of sunlight! That is a trade I am willing to make! :)
-Co-teaching
-laughter
-going outside without a coat. I'M ALIVE! I DIDN'T FREEZE! And it was somewhat pleasant! AH!
-the sun being out at 7pm!! It's happening y'all!
-Jen Scott texting me out of the blue to hang out for a bit! That was super nice. She fed me soup! Om nom nom nom
-today's daily prompt*
-the basics
-as always, my friends

* Day 9: Sunrise/Sunset

I can't say I've seen too many sunrises in my life. I cannot say I've woken up early to watch the sun rise on purpose. I care about sleep WAY too much. Most of the sunrises I've seen have been because of travel. Either coming or going or in the air. They're usually very pretty, but I struggle to focus on them because I'm usually so tired.

My favorite sunsets are in the summer. When its been a long full day and the sky turns all the colors and you can see the sun turn bright, bright orange as it dips into the earth. Sitting at the lake watching the sun go down in the summer is definitely one of my favorite feelings. It's so peaceful and calm and reminds me how beautiful Minneapolis is. It brings a smile to my face that not too long from now that will be happening again. Everything will be vivid green and the water will be clear and there will be no more snow. That is going to be amazing. I am so looking forward to summer sunsets.

Gratitude on the go! 3-8-14

Today I am grateful for:
-this quote:
"If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazy, can be our teacher."
-a fun two show saturday.
-YA literature. So silly, yet so engaging!
-The show OMG. It was the first night of our two month run and it was a blast! Everyone's reading materials were so engaging and hilarious and vulnerable and just the tits. It was so much fun to improvise with such talented funny ladies!
-Emily being able to facetime and watch the whole show from her bedroom in LA. The future is now people and it is amazing!
-laughter
-the basics
-the daily prompt*
-as always my friends

*Day 8: Far Away

The first thing I thought of when I saw the prompt today was how many people I love and care about are far away. Some of my best friends in the whole world live all over the country. Portland, LA, Boston, New York, Seattle, Chicago, Arizona, North Carolina, DC, and many more places. Not to mention my family on my mom's side who all live in Australia. It makes me so incredibly grateful for the technology that we have today that allows me to stay connected with my amazing friends and family.

The second thing the prompt made me think of was the song Far Away by Ingrid Michaelson. I'm seeing her in concert at First Ave at the end of April and I could not be more PUMPED!

Gratitude on the go! 3-7-14

Today I am grateful for:
-these quotes:
"The best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain."

"Gratitude is absolutely the way to bring more into your life."

"Truth is simple, requiring neither study nor art."
-being able to sleep in. :)
-a really rockin crowd for the show tonight. Not too wild, but super in to everything. It made for an extra fun show.
-laughter
-the basics
-this daily prompt. I stumbled upon it randomly this morning. Every day is a new writing prompt. I missed the first couple of days this month, but I think I'm gonna start it today. I've been itching to try something new. So with that, here is today's daily prompt:

Day 7: (Self) Discovery

I think this is a very fitting prompt for today. Having just "discovered" this daily prompt. :) It was actually about 3 years ago around this exact time that I made the decision to start going to therapy in the search of self discovery. At the time I felt so lost and desperately needed some guidance.

It all stemmed from one conversation. I was in California in late February and talking to one of my dearest friends. She was sharing with me all the things that she wanted in life. I remember listening to her and encouraging her to seek what it was that she desired. It was a really powerful talk. We then got ready for bed and turned out the lights to turn in. Before we were both asleep though she kind of off the cuff asked me what I wanted in life. I remember lying down on my futon bed and looking up at the ceiling for a long time. I couldn't say anything. I literally couldn't form words. I'd honestly never been asked anything like that before. I felt quite overwhelmed and I actually started to cry. My friend still doesn't know that happened I don't think. I took a few deep breaths to steady my voice and very quietly I remember saying, "I want to be happy."

Since that time I've been doing what I can to find that happiness. So many things have helped me do that. Going to therapy regularly, starting this gratitude blog, and getting support and love from my friends and family just to name a few. I've discovered more than I ever could have imagined. Although ironically, one of my biggest discoveries on this journey was when I realized I didn't need to "find" anything at all. It was always there and I just didn't know it. This quote I saw on a mug once really sums it all up for me. It said, "Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."

Gratitude on the go! 3-6-14

Today I am grateful for:
-having lunch with Megan. It was nice to see her again! I haven't seen her in awhile. And her little guy Henry was super cute. Per usual. :)
-seeing Non-Stop. It was basically the movie Taken, but on a plane. It was...exactly what I expected it to be. :)
-podcasts
-laughter
-the basics
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 3-5-14

Today I am grateful for:
-finally seeing the Lego movie with Amanda. It. Was. So. Good! Seriously a spectacular animated feature.
-the dinner party Amanda and I hosted. We made Mac and Cheese, some greens, and a salad. It was wonderful. We also played Cards Against Humanity. Hilarity ensued.
-Laughter
-the basics
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 3-4-14

Today I am grateful for:
-my therapist. It was nice to really process how the last two weeks have been. I'm pulling out of the trenches for sure, which is great. We talked about a few other options for when this happens again. I think we also decided that I'm still gonna be only coming ever other week now. I honestly don't want to, but I know that's just because I'm afraid. Afraid that once I give up that time I won't be able to ever get it back. Afraid that I won't be able to handle it. Afraid that I will. It's time. And it's not like I'm not going anymore period. I'm just going a bit less. It's a good thing! It's just terrifying. :) So yeah. Overall a good session. I most definitely left feeling much more lifted up than I did going in there.
-tea
-the weather. Y'all, February was BUNK. BOOOOO. March is here now though. And yes, even though March is generally our snowiest month, it also means its gonna be warmer. Today was above zero. Heck I think it was in the teens and I wanted to jump for joy! I seriously hope it keeps getting better. Please please please!
-getting lunch with Hannah and friends. There's a new restaurant in uptown opening up called Bone Yard. Southern comfort food. It got to try their sample menu before they open on Friday. It was all pretty darn tasty! And it was $free.99. The best price tag around. :)
-YWCA. I'm back there. I thought a new cheaper gym was what I needed, but I love me the Y. And they did a bunch of awesome updates to the place too so that was really nice.
-making dinner at home
-a quiet evening
-the basics
-laughter
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 3-3-14

Today I am grateful for:
-Maisie. She's a cutie. All smiles. Lots of noises now too.
-group. It's definitely a different dynamic than before. I'm curious to see how its gonna go. Still grateful for it.
-emily and I's hilarious gchat about middle school chat rooms
-laughter
-the basics
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 3-2-14

Today I am grateful for:
-this quote:
"Clouds that thunder do not always rain."
-having a sound night of sleep
-brunch with Bffl and her family. Man they're fun. They always do an amazing job making me feel very welcome.
-the youth team having a performance today. Easy day and fun to watch!
-Bffl and her fam coming over to watch the oscars! They brought dinner and wine and lots of laughs.
-the Oscars. I don't know what it is about them, but they really make me happy. :) I also thought this year was a particularly good show.
-social media having a blast with all the stupid stuff that happened at the Oscars. I was seriously loling by myself in my room as a result of some of the things that were said.
-laughter
-the basics
-degrassi. Stupid, stupid, wonderful degrassi.
-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 3-1-14

Today I am grateful for:
-these quotes:

"Never lose your sense of humour. It may be the only thing you have left in a crisis."

"When the future is too terrifying to contemplate and the past too painful, learn to pay attention to right now."

-it finally being March. For February being so short, it sure was effing long. And yes it's still butt ass cold outside, but it's March Damnit. And next sunday is daylight savings. We're getting there. Warmth will be upon us soon! 

-lunch with Padre

-hearing one of my VO's on the radio. #stillcool

-bffl coming to see the show tonight!!

-leftovers. 

-a really fun improv set

-laughter

-the basics

-as always, my friends

Gratitude on the go! 2-28-14

Today I am grateful for:
-these quotes:

"Each one has to find his peace from within. And peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances."

"Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit."

"The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware."

-being able to sleep in
-padre. It's his birthday today. He has taught me so much about so many things it's honestly hard to figure out what to exactly write here. I am just so grateful to call him my padre. He's a good guy and dad. 
-laughter
-going out with some people after the show and not feeling too terrified. 
-the basics
-as always, my friends